Wednesday, February 29, 2012

ACC Wooing Cornhuskers?

Click on the image to read the letter.
Sources at ACC headquarters down in Charlotte have suggested to T.A.H. that ACC Chief Kahuna John Swofford is not sitting still on the idea of conference expansion even though talk of conference shake-ups has died down while all the experts in the media and in the blogsphere micro manage the last four teams likely to be selected in the upcoming NCAA tournament.

“Don’t be fooled,” our source said, “the league is looking beyond newbies Pittsburgh and Syracuse which will join the league in, their gonna joint the league at some point, and is still looking to expand as the ACC seeks global sports and overall media domination.”

Although our source reported a rather odd head tic and occasional body twitch, who are we to question a “reliable source?”

Evidently...Swofford and his gang of conference raiding pirates has their collective expansion eye on Nebraska who recently jumped from the inaccurately named Big 12 to the inaccurately named Big 10.

According to our sources this move was a “no-brainer” because “they used to be good at football, their head basketball coach’s name is ‘Doc’ and one alum is so passionate he recently took out a full page add supporting the hoops coach in the state’s largest newspaper, the Omaha World-Herald.”

“You don’t see North Carolina fans who are constantly complaining about Ol’ Roy’s game management or how he uses his time outs running an add in the Charlotte Observer singing his praises, now do you?” Swofford is reported to have said to somebody.

“Nor do those snooty Duke alums and fans ever run an add in the Durham Herald-Sun singing Coach K’s praises. No, they do not. They will show up at that sardine can of gymnasium and paint their faces and make up some clever cheers, but do they put their money where their coach’s ever-so-salty mouth is?  I DON’T think so...,” Swofford may or may not have said.

Our source close to UNC went to Ol ‘Roy, a veteran of midwest and Big 12 hoops, for some insight:  “Really?” Ol ‘Roy supposedly said, “Nebraska has never been very good at basketball.  They won the conference championship back in 1950 when it was the Big Seven and that league ONLY had seven teams!  They are 0-6 in the Big Dance.  That crappy record gives them the distinction, along with South Florida and Northwestern, of never winning an NCAA tournament game.”

For the record, South Florida is relatively new (0-2 in the NCAA) and somehow the brainiacs in Chicago have NEVER made it to the Big Dance.

Swofford supposedly went on to tout Nebraska’s facilities including the new Hendricks Training Complex, an $18.7 million training facility, and the upcoming $150 million Pinnacle Bank Arena in Lincoln.  

Our sources swear Swofford said, “They have practice facility named after a NASCAR team and a new fancy arena named after a golf ball.  They’re perfect.”

And...they used to be good at football.

*Items in italics may not be true.

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