Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Texas Football Rivals Try To Emulate Tobacco Road Shenanigans

So, the way we see it “plausible deniability” usually doesn’t include clarifying the situation…but, what the heck do we know?

Texas Tech officials "strongly condemned" vandalism that targeted a Texas A&M bus before the Aggies played the Red Raiders, but corrected their rival’s version of the incident saying fish bait, not manure, was used in the incident.


Texas Tech said in a statement Monday that bait was dropped on the floor of one bus parked at a Lubbock hotel before the Aggies' 45-40 victory.

Before Saturday night's game, A&M athletic director Bill Byrne said that manure went "from one end to the other" in one bus and was spread on the outside of three others. He tweeted the buses were "spray-painted."

Tech said washable shoe polish was on the windows of one bus, adding that the buses were cleaned before Byrne saw them and calling Byrne's tweet "careless” which is a code word out in Lubbock for “stupid.”

No one has admitted to the prank and Tech was relying on information it received from the hotel management and the bus company.

Here is how an unbiased blogger described the event:

Sometime before the game a dastardly pack of marauding ne’er do wells—and everybody from Kent Hance to Wes Welker to Elmer Tarbox to Will Rogers is justifiably under suspicion—launched a sickening attack on the defenseless Aggie bus. They took a tankard of Kiwi Shoe Polish—and the color was sheep doo-doo brown for added insult!—and they scrawled several graffiti gravely offensive to dainty Aggie sensibilities on the winders of the innocent Aggie bus. 

Now that right there is grounds some testy heart-to-heart with none other than Rick Perry, but the rampaging Red Raiders weren’t done yet. Not by a long shot! As if smearing a sickly double T on the winders wasn’t carnage enough, the miscreants had to go and dump a load o’ Quanah Stink Bait in the floorboard of the bus!

And here is how that same blogger described the big picture and the A&M AD’s reaction:

Yes, my fellow Red Raiders, there is a foul pest a-plaguin’ the land when our fair and saintly brethren from College Station, the veritable polar north of moral rectitude in the macroverse, cannot drive their busses through the streets of Lubbock without being set upon by shoe-polish wielding, stink bait slingin’ barbarian Taliban actin’ in the name of Texas Tech. I’m deeply ashamed and I know you are too.

I’m also appalled that the Texas Tech administration, rather sending an embassy of goodwill and lip-biting apology worthy of Bill Clinton to beg forgiveness for this vile atrocity, has had the effrontery to question Byrne and company. I mean just because the offending substances were shoe polish and stink bait rather than spray paint and fecal remnants as originally reported, and just because the unholy mess was cleaned up before most of the Aggie gang ever saw it, is no reason to question Byrne’s probity.

My word, what will the Tech thugs do next? Threaten a peaceable Aggie corpsman with a saber? For the love of Jackie Sherrill, why can’t we all just get along?

Can you just imagine it?!

Good stuff.  Especially liked "effrontery."

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