We write today to retract what we said yesterday. (Sorry.)
Yesterday, we advocated that Notre Dame and West Virginia
join the ACC. We were wrong. (Sorry,
again.)
Upon further review, and yes the voices in our heads are on
a continuous annoying loop, we have decided that the most logical newbies would
be West Virginia and Penn State.
Now, you and the university presidents may be coveting UConn
and Rutgers due to your fascination with the Northeast television audience, but
take a moment to consider our proposal.
We understand that you are afflicted with an intense focus on
the Northeast simply because you correctly believe that the millions of people
who live between Piscataway, NJ and Storrs, CT will increase A(ME)CC viewership
and give the league even more leverage for the next time you visit the
ESPN/FoxSports/CBS ATM cash machine otherwise known as the league’s television
contract.
Whoa, that was scary!
Are you OK? We promise, we will
never say that again…
OK, we won’t forget the money…but, we will set it aside for
just a moment.
In terms of geography and tradition, and, HEAVEN FORBID,
common sense, the Mountaineers and the Nittany Lions seem perfect fits.
Penn State is sort of the odd school out in the Big Ten. They
don’t really have a natural rivalry with the Big 10 football powers Ohio State
(12-12), Michigan (the WVU Wikipedia page doesn’t list the Wolverines as a
current or dormant rival!) or Michigan State (12-3) of any duration or
intensity. Who cares about Penn State
vs. Iowa or Penn State vs. Illinois?
Back in the old days, the biggest game on PSU’s schedule was
against Pitt. The Pennsylvania Classic was a great example of two in-state
rivals that hated each other. They last
played in 2000 – a crime of sorts for two football schools a mere 130 miles
apart.
From 1917 to 1993, Joe Pa's Lions used to stomp Maryland on
a regular basis. Just kidding, of
course, Joe Pa wasn’t there in 1917, it just seems like it…However, in that time span Penn state won
35 of 37 games with the Terps managing but one win in 1961 (coincidentally, that was the year Maryland became the first team to add the players' names to their jerseys.) There was one tie in 1989. Why not give the men from College Park a chance at a little redemption?

Also, starting in 1904, and then continuously from 1947 to
1992, Penn State played the Mountaineers. The Nit-Lions led the series when it
ended 48-9-2. The WVU faithful last burned a couch over this one in 1988
when West Virginia clobbered PSU 51-30.
In conclusion, the geography makes sense and brings more of
the big Pennsylvania audience for the coveted remote control demographic, and the
rivalries work. Finally, the Mountaineers burn couches for crying out loud!
It’s a no brainer.
The new A(ME)CC:
North (in geographical order, or thereabouts):
Syracuse
Pitt
Penn State
West Virginia
Maryland
Virginia
Virginia Tech
South:
North Carolina
North Carolina State
Duke
Wake Forest
Clemson
Georgia Tech
Florida State
Miami
If you want four divisions with four teams each, that’s easy
too, but we don’t see the point.
North Northern Division: Syracuse, Boston College, Penn
State and Pitt
North Southern Division: West Virginia, Maryland, Virginia
and Virginia Tech
South Northern Division: North Carolina, N.C. State, Duke
and Wake Forest
South Southern Division: Clemson, Georgia Tech, Florida
State and Miami
Sincerely,
The Entire Staff of T.A.H.
A Large Number of Penn State People
A Large Number of West Virginia People
and Furniture Manufacturers Everywhere
A Large Number of Penn State People
A Large Number of West Virginia People
and Furniture Manufacturers Everywhere
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