Tuesday, May 10, 2011

T.A.H. Exclusive: Major School Covers Up LAX Scandal

Sources close to T.A.H. have informed us of a major scandal brewing somewhere out there by the big river that currently is flooding like nobody’s business.

According to our insiders, a major school in the Big 12 Conference we won’t name here (Ohio State) is staring straight down the barrel of a full blown LAX scandal.

As you may recall, the last time such a scandal occurred a school we won’t mention here (Duke), threw their coach under the bus the moment an exotic dancer accused some of their LAX players of inappropriate behavior. 

The local prosecutor who graduated from a school we won’t mention here (North Carolina) managed to ruin his legal and political career by rushing to an indictment only to have his star witness, the accuser, recant.

Not so at the unnamed university in the state known as O-H-ten.

In this case, the University already bludgeoned by scandal in their historic football program, decided to take it out on the players and to avoid any more coaching issues.  

Evidently…as we say in T.A.H. parlance…there was a team initiation situation…similar to what happens at so many collges.  While there were no injuries at said event, a student RA filed an alcohol violation.

Suddenly all the anti-LAX and anti-LAX culture bubbles up (blame Duke, it’s their fault! Actually, now that we think about it, maybe it’s Virginia’s fault – violent, murdering guy…)  

According to our sources, the head coach not only condoned the initiation event, he set up the activities and told his players what to do and what not to do.  

The authorities at Ohio State, who suspended the football coach for five games against Sisters of the Poor, the Sisters of the Poor State, the Sisters of the Poor Tech, Sister of the Poor A&M and one team that is a shadow of its former self we won’t  mention here (Sisters of the Poor at Ann Arbor, also known as Michigan), doles out five suspensions at one year each and a bunch of school probations. 

According to some players, or at least, some players’ parents, the coach goes all Buckeye (whatever that is) and denounces any knowledge of said event!

To date, nothing in the school or local papers.

That said, in keeping with the tradition of meaningful penalties, our crack T.A.H. Research Department now believes that several players were suspended for the first two games, a 4-3 Buckeye victory over Detroit-Mercy and a 20-2 victory over Mercer.  According to satellite photos reviewed at T.A.H. Worldwide Media Headquarters, three players missed the Mercer game and five missed Detroit-Mercy.

Meanwhile, Ohio State’s director of compliance is reviewing at least 50 car sales to Buckeyes athletes and relatives to see if they met NCAA rules, the Columbus Dispatch reported Saturday!

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