TO: Mr./Master/Dr. VIRGINIA TECH
Blacksburg, VA .
The Spinning Blue Planet.
Dear Mr./Master/Dr.: TECH
We just discovered a clerical error in our usually reliable Karma Department. It appears our normally "infallible" staff made the regrettable mistake some time in 2007 (your local time) when your name was confused with one Miss/Ms/Mrs: VIRGINIA HECHT of: PERTH AMBOY, NEW JERSEY, an absolute evil dog bitch of a soul-killing human being who deserved everything SHE had coming. Really, she's an awful, terrible, horrible person and we remain shocked that she isn't on one of those Real Housewives reality TV shows.
Unfortunately, due to our clerical error in the heretofore almost flawless Karma Department, Miss/Ms/Mrs: VIRGINIA HECHT did not get what she had coming.
However, you, Mr. Mr./Master/Dr.: VIRGINIA TECH DID get exactly what she had coming!
Our humble apologies from all of us up here. Be assured the the error has been caught and your well-earned GOOD karma has been fully restored in time for the 2011-2012 football season.
Also please be advised Mr. Mr./Master/Dr.: VIRGINIA TECH of BLACKSBURG, VA, SPINNING BLUE PLANET, good things are coming your way. We owe you, and your shiny headed roundball skipper.
You will be hoisting heavy hardware soon -- whoops, I'm not supposed to reveal that...
Sorry for all the inconvenience.
I remain, your Obedient Guardian,
The Big Boss, Head Office, The Perfect Place*
*Well, the mostly "Perfect Place."
(Editor’s Note: Props to Carol Ross Joynt for this item lifted from her Swimming In Quicksand blog. Best wishes to Carol at home resting after breast cancer surgery this morning. Carol, your version was funnier, but I had to modify it and share even if here it is about something so seemingly trivial as an invitation to dance…Get better soon.)