Thursday, February 10, 2011

Mubarak To Step Down, Coach K Possible Replacement

After 17 days of massive citizen demonstrations and scattered violence, Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak appears poised to step down according to various major new sources and U.S. intelligence officials.

Mubarak came to power in 1981 when then President Anwar Sadat was assassinated.  He has never held free democratic elections since, and is seen by most as a dictator posing as an elected official.

Sources tell T.A.H. that Duke head coach Mike Krzyewghr5ski is interested in filling the position. 

A Duke Basketball staffer claims to have heard Coach K say “It’s a natural progression of events from NCAA championships to the Olympics to my own country.  I mean the Laker gig would have been big, but the opportunity to bypass Bobby Knight and Cleopatra is a once in a great lifetime opportunity I should probably look into for the sake of the entire free world.  After all, I’m a leader with a proven track record of both winning and turning my supporters into raving maniacs…”

According to our sources, Krzhgbnv3ski believes his resume is well-suited to the job including that he is familiar with a tent city similar to the one currently occupied by anti-Mubarak demonstrators in Tahrir Square in Cairo.

The same sources note that most people in the Athletic Department at Duke and all the people involved with the football program at the private institution believe Krzyplkq4ski would simply be “more of the same” for the beleaguered Egyptians. 

“They already have a ‘dictator,’” said a source close to Coach K’s tower, “why would they want another one?”

Officials at American Express are reported to be huddled in their NYC offices preparing bids to sponsor the Great Pyramids, the Sphinx and Tahrir Square to be renamed “President Krzyvbxz5ski-ville Brought To You By American Express, Don’t Protest Without It.”

*Items in italics may not be true. 

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