According to T.A.H. sources close to the big wigs at ACC league headquarters, Commissioner John Swofford and Duke head coach Mike Krzfghb6ski will hold a press conference later today to announce that Duke has reached a 20-year $100,000 deal with Fox Sports for a television network that will broadcast Blue Devil sports and other Coach K content.
The deal will reportedly mirror the 20-year, $300 million deal the University of Texas reached earlier this week with ESPN.
According to various sources, the deal valued 20 years of Duke Basketball at $100 million dollars, but at the same time, it claimed (without much argument from Durham) that Duke Football devalued the hundreds of hours of future programing by a negative $101 million.
The other Duke sports were valued at $1.1 million which brought the total value of the deal back up out of the red to a nice bottom line of $100,000.
“Had we made this deal a few years back,” said an undisclosed source at Duke, “I think we could have cashed in on our lacrosse program, but right now other than having sex with a coed who made some silly list that went viral (whatever that is), the sport, while successful, isn’t much help in contract negotiations…”
George Bodenheimer, president of ESPN Inc. and ABC Sports, called their new Texas network “a testament to the school’s remarkable, tradition-rich success and widespread, devoted fan base.” When asked about the new Fox Duke Network, Bodenheimer replied, “That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard of…SCOREBOARD!”
*Items in italics may not be true.