Saturday, December 18, 2010

Cavs Lose To #2 Seeded Oregon In Division 1 Football Playoff

The Virginia Cavaliers could not stop the mighty Ducks of Oregon in the opening round of the Congressionally-Mandated And Mark Cuban-Funded Non-BCS NCAA Division 1 Football Playoff.


The first round game was the opening salvo in the new 128 team playoff that pitted the 127th ranked Wahoos against the second ranked Ducks. Over 175,000 fans jammed their way into Oregon’s Autzen Stadium and over 700 million viewers watched the first round game which ultimately preempted top seeded  Auburn's 83-17 blowout of 128th seed Duke.

Additional first round games are scheduled at more than 60 other universities causing a nationwide traffic jam as millions of college football fans head off to see the historic events.  Millions more without tickets are said to be travelling to the stadium of their choice just to witness the amazing event.  "I just had to see it. It's like a pancake shaped like Jesus or Larry King, you just have to see it for yourself so you can tell your grandchildren about it," said one Duke fan who travelled to Auburn's Jordan-Hare Stadium to pass out basketball cheer sheets in the parking lot.

President Obama has asked Congress to repeal the Bush tax breaks to pay for the additional infrastructure needed to cope with both the vehicular and television traffic generated by this new sport's phenomenon.


Unfortunately, Virginia couldn’t stop the Ducks’ prolific offense which generated a new world and NCAA single game record of 872 total yards, but they did manage to cover the 31.5 point spread in the 63 to 48 loss…

BCS blowhard Bill Hancock released a statement saying the "Playoff does not exist, will never exist and Auburn will play Oregon for the National Championship on January 10th as previously scheduled."  The Suits In (Kansas) Indiana could not be reached for comments.

What?

It was a basketball game? The Congressionally-Mandated And Mark Cuban-Funded Non-BCS NCAA Division 1 Football Playoff was just a dream?  Hancock is right? Virginia beat Oregon 63-48 in basketball...?

Damn it, Jim!

*Items in italics may not be true.

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