Friday, December 3, 2010

ACC Analysis: Why The S.E.C. Is Better At Football

Maybe it has something to do with crime?
Here’s a peach (pun intended) from the blog “The Belly of the Beast” called “Get To Know Your SEC Football Players.” As all of you loyal readers know, as soon as football ends, crime begins so we just thought we’d get a jump on it…

It's Wednesday, which means it's time to get to know a little bit more (or just anything at all) about one of the Southeastern Conference's football players. Now when this player succeeds, massively fails or is shown milling around in the background of a TV shot, you'll know that his greatest off-the-field accomplishment involves the sale and transportation of hobos. Or something like that.

The team of the player selected is chosen through a super-secret process which I cannot reveal, however, the number of the player is randomly chosen by visiting and using whatever number is spat out from its random-creating machine.

Today's number: 55
Today's team: Georgia
Player profiled: Josh Parrish, #55, OL Georgia

Some background information: Yet another walk-on selected in this series, but unlike previously selected below-average collegiate athletes, this one is somewhat interesting. As you can see from the picture above, Josh, just 19 years of age, has already spent some time in the clink. While he has yet to contribute to the Georgia football team, he has contributed to the Athens-Clarke County Police Department's "More Drunk People in Jail" tally, which should get them some extra government money and a framed certificate if they keep up the pace.

(Editor's Note: Seriously, in high school Parrish won the 2008 GHSA A region and state championship. He was named to All-County, All-Region and All-State teams as a senior. He was a member of National Honor Society, Mu Alpha Theta Honors Society and the Science Honors Society.)

Greatest on-field accomplishment: Has not occurred.

Greatest off-the-field accomplishment: In the 2009 summer session, Josh made the Athletic Director's honor roll and the dean's list. My only problem with this is that clearly Josh put way too much time into his studies and not being as lazy as humanly possible in the summer. Summer school is not a time to excel academically, it's a time to not get a summer job, lay around the pool, play golf and briefly consider how awful life is going to be when you can no longer do these thing before taking a nap for that evening's activities. Georgia may congratulate you, Josh, but I say time and energy wasted.

Way(s) in which he has embarrassed himself, his family, team and school: Here comes more on the arrest. A young woman, who should have been minding her own business, called police at 1:19 AM on April 11th when she found young Joshua passed out on the second level of the East Village parking deck. Yes, the second level of a parking deck. An excellent choice for a place to pass out. While there was the potential of getting backed over or just run over by a car, he protected himself from the elements.

When the police arrived, Josh was unresponsive and reeked of Mad Dog 20/20 or Steel Reserve (I'm guessing on the booze). Police then looked through his wallet to identify him and found that he had two licenses, one from Georgia and one from Florida. No big deal except that he's not from Florida and it was fake. So Josh earned himself a trip to the hospital, where they tried to make him less drunk, then on to the Clarke County Jail where he was booked for possessing a fake ID and underage possession of alcohol.

I'm a little disappointed there wasn't vomit, cursing and tasers involved, but a parking garage is still a solid backdrop.

Strengths: Resourcefulness.

Weaknesses: Decision-making...and bad friends who didn't bother to keep up with him or at least drag him inside the building or a car.

(Editor's Note 2: This post was from May of 2010. Parrish is still listed as a Redshirt Sophomore on the Georgia roster and we wager he’s a good kid. We just thought the overwhelming pressure that is the build up to the Dr. Pepper Bowl required a little levity at the vaunted S.E.C.’s expense…)

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