Friday, October 15, 2010

T.A.H. Special Correspondent For Football J. Clark: “Kirk Herbstreit Is Smoking Crack”

So we come across an article noting that ESPN analyst and college football guru Kirk Herbstriet thinks Florida State may be the best team he’s so far this still young college football season.

ESPN's Kirk Herbstreit says FSU might be the best team he's seen this year.

Suffice to say, T.A.H. long-lost special correspondent Johnny Clark did not agree. You remember, John don’t you? Tireless supporter of his alma mata FSU who used to provide football commentary to T.A.H. before he became too busy or too famous or maybe he sort of lost some of his pigskin vigor when the Noles sucked and they tossed Bobby under the bus…

Well, lo and behold, John is back!

Where do I begin?

Mr. Herbstreit is smoking CRACK. Best team he's seen all year? Really? That best team sure looked GREAT against Oklahoma, didn't it? FSU did look great....against Miami. Not that Miami is bad, but, c'mon, we are talking about the ACC. Just a few short weeks ago, weren't we talking about how much ACC Football SUCKED?!? FSU may be the tallest midget, but we're a midget nonetheless.

Now "Herbie", as that complete douchebag Brent Mussberger (however you spell that a-hole's name) calls him, has some appropriate points. Over the weeks, it DOES seem like FSU has been better prepared. It DOES look like our defense is getting better. It DOES seem like our offense is clicking. But, again, over the last few weeks FSU has played mormons and ACC teams. FSU hasn't played an SEC team. Let's see how FSU stacks up against the the Florida team that is "down," according to Herbie. What if UF does what any respectable SEC teams does, and whips an ACC team up and down the gridiron? Still the best team all year, Herbie??

My advice to Herbie, which is the (paraphrased and somewhat modified) advice Mr. Wolf gives to Jules & Verne in Pulp Fiction:

"Okay, we beat Miami. Let's not start sucking each others ***** just yet." (I'm sure you'll have to edit THAT if it goes to publication. Or you can blame it on the potty mouth that is me.) (Editor’s Note: Done and done.)

In short, FSU looks good. In fact, better than we have in many seasons.

Having said that, we are NOT EVEN CLOSE to the teams we had when I was there, in the middle of 14 consecutive top 5 finishes and 2 national championships. Let's see IF FSU can win the ACC championship. Let's see what FSU does in its bowl game. If that bowl game happens to be a BCS game, in the event we do win the ACC, let's see how FSU does against another nationally ranked, NON-ACC FOOTBALL TEAM.

Herbie, let's talk again after the UF game. Let's talk again if we make it to the ACC Championship game. Let's talk again after our bowl game.

In short, Herbie, let's talk after the '10-'11 season. Then, and only then, will I tell you if you can BEGIN to think about disregarding Mr. Wolf's advice.

Oh, and stop smoking crack. It makes you say stupid s*** like, "FSU is maybe the best team I have seen this year."

... and also please crawl out of Ohio State's butt – yeah, you played there. Good for you. Be objective, or you and Muss are going to be forever referred to as Douchebag 1 and Douchebag 2, or, collectively, "The Douches."

As an aside, I'm pretty knowledgeable about college football, AND I can say stupid s*** too...where's my effin' ABC/ESPN deal?!?

(Editor’s Note 4: WOW! Imagine how pissed he would have been had Herbstreit said that the Noles suck!)

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