Thursday, October 7, 2010

ACC Recruiting News: That Crack In My Crack Ain’t My Crack!

Proving once again that the state of Florida is Mecca for recruiting top notch high school football players, or in some cases like this, players who still haven’t (for lack of a better term, let's just say) “utilized” all their college eligibility, a number of ACC schools with a track record of recruiting misadventures and NCAA violations (alledged and other wise) have discovered some amazing talents involving the body of one Raymond Roberts.

Roberts, 25 of Bradenton, was recently arrested after he was stopped for speeding. Investigators, who reported smelling a strong odor of marijuana emanating from the vehicle, subsequently searched Roberts and discovered his hidden stash(s).

During the search, when Deputy Sean Cappiello "felt a soft object in the crack of his buttocks," the suspect "began to tense up." (Well…who can blame him, have you seen the size of Deputy Cappiello’s hands?) Roberts volunteered to remove the item. “Let me get it, hold on” he said, and proceeded to place a "clear plastic baggie with a green leafy substance" on the car's hood. A subsequent test showed the substance to be marijuana. Shocking, we know.

Now we aren’t sure why, but after securing the bag of weed from Robert’s butt crack, the intrepid deputy returned to the scene of the crime (so to speak) and searched again. This time, according to Deputy Cappiello, “I felt another object that was in the crack of his buttocks.” (Binky?)

Turns out the second “package” was crack cocaine.


Twenty seven pieces of crack cocaine (there goes the scholarship…one, two, three maybe, but 27? Dude…), but who’s counting. Oh yeah, the cops, they count stuff like that and then they call it “evidence.” More oops.

Roberts, who is known for his lightning burst of speed and sure hands, also showed he’s a quick thinker as he immediately disavowed ownership of the cocaine.

“The white stuff is not mine, but the weed is,” he claimed, adding that the crack in his crack was the property of a friend who had previously borrowed the car and left the drug on the passenger seat. Roberts explained that when he was pulled over for speeding, he concealed the second bag of narcotics.

You know, just to be safe.

Pictured in the above mug shot, Roberts was charged with pot and cocaine possession. He was freed after posting $1,120 bond.

And, NO, we are NOT making this up.

Spokespersons for North Carolina, Maryland, Virginia Tech, Miami, Florida State and Clemson could not be reached for comment.

*Items in italics may not be true.

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