Wednesday, February 10, 2010


By Ranzino4three

(Editor's note: If you enjoy this item, click on the T.A.H. header above for an update. Feel free to look around! Scroll down for more insight and laughs...)

1. Any time Larry Drew II is shown adjusting his mouthpiece on live tv, DRINK II.

2. Whenever Deon Thompson gets stripped of the ball going up for a shot, DRINK. If it’s by a guard, DRINK TWICE. If it’s by a white guard under 6 feet, SHOT GUN A BEER.

3. Whenever Marcus Ginyard shoots yell NO! Then DRINK. If he misses it, DRINK AGAIN.

4. Turnover by Larry Drew II, DRINK II, turnover by any other player DRINK one.

5. Whenever Deon Thompson or Ed Davis dribble in the open court, DRINK until they pass or pick up their dribble. If their dribbling results in a turnover, DRINK again.

6. Whenever Ol’ Roy turns his back on the game to let the guys on the bench have it, DRINK UNTIL HE TURNS BACK AROUND.

7. If Ol’ Roy calls a timeout to stop a run, DRINK UNTIL THE TIMEOUT IS OVER.

8. If any Tar Heel’s player air balls a free throw: a) if it’s the first of two DRINK UNTIL THE SECOND FREE THROW IS RELEASED; b) if it’s the second free throw, FINISH YOUR BEER.

9. If any Tar Heel’s player air balls a 3 pointer, DRINK 3 TIMES; jumper inside arc, DRINK TWICE. (If Larry Drew II is the player, DRINK 6 for a 3 pointer.)

10. If Ol’ Roy subs 5 players, DRINK.

11. If Ol’ Roy assumes the defensive stance, yelling at his players, encouraging them to play defense, DRINK.

12. Whenever Ol’ Roy benches a player that just hit a 3 pointer, DRINK.

13. Anytime a Tar Heel misses a game due to a sprained ankle, take a shot of Jack Daniels at the time of tip -off in his honor.

14. If Len Elmore is calling the game, you must have a frozen fish stick in your mouth at all times. Whenever he says anything negative about Carolina, take the fish stick out, shake your head and say "fish sticks," then DRINK.

15. Every time Deon Thompson does a finger roll at the basket, DRINK. If he misses, FINISH YOUR DRINK.

16. Whenever Will Graves dribbles in the open court DRINK, DRINK 2 if he turns it over.

17. If Dexter Strickland drives too far under the basket out of control and has nowhere to go, DRINK.

18. If Larry Drew II goes too far under the basket with no clear plan, DRINK II.

19. Every time John Henson gets pulled before he breaks a sweat, DRINK. If he's replaced by
Deon Thompson, DRINK 2.

20. If UNC falls behind by double digits in the first 5 minutes, and Ol’ Roy does not call a time out, SHOTGUN A BEER.

21. If the announcers (or Woody) confuse the Wear twins, DRINK.

22. When Larry Drew II does a flawless between the legs dribble for no reason, then proceeds to make a horrible pass to Deon 30 feet from the basket on a fast break which results in a bad outcome , DRINK.

23. Every time we double down on a "no-threat" big man and leave the opposing team's leading scorer open for a 3, DRINK.

24. When opposing player reaches a new career high, finish your BEER.

25. A shot of your choice for every unused timeout at game's end, but after you take the shot you must indicate to the room whether it was a full timeout or a 30 second timeout.

26. If Deon dives to the floor for a loose ball, SHOTGUN A BEER, once finished, yell either "SAFE" or "YOURE OUT" like an umpire.

27. If Mike Gminski is calling the game, every time they show him on live tv you have to pinch your left ear (to imitate his hoop earring), toast your beer to him and yell "G-MAN", then DRINK. If he is wearing suspenders do the same as above but after you finish the drink pretend to snap your suspenders, then DRINK AGAIN. If his suspenders don’t match his tie, FINISH YOUR BEER.

28. If Dan Bonner is calling the game and he smiles so big you can see either a molar or a filling, DRINK.

29. If Tim Brando is calling the game and he says the phrase "whirling dervish" say "WHAT THE **** IS A WHIRLING DERVISH" then SHOTGUN A BEER.

30. If the Tar Heels beat Duke, go straight to Mardi Gras and DRINK.


  1. well written, good emphasis on many of the FUNdamental errors plaguing this year's team. Hilarious!

  2. you could have asked me before posting this game in a blog, considering i am the one that invented it. -ranzino4three

  3. Ranzino4three, I recieved this via email about a dozen times. Would have been happy to ask or attribute if I had known from whence it came originally. How would you like us to proceed. We can take it down or give you credit however you like! Thanks for reading T.A.H.

  4. just busting your balls man. i dont care. glad i could help.

  5. Thanks. I cut you a byline so now you are among the stable of famous T.A.H. contributors!

  6. You had me at "Larry Drew Drink II".

  7. funny stuff,they will better next year

  8. I don't think I'd make it past the under 12:00 TO in the first half.

  9. I don't think I'd make it past the under 12:00 TO - IN THE FIRST HALF!
    - Dr. Jones23


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