LOCAL SEMINOLE IDENTIFIED AS FOURTH WHITE HOUSE PARTY CRASHER

According to the Washington Post's Reliable Source authors Amy Argetsinger and Roxanne Roberts:

Yet another uninvited guest made it into the White House state dinner made famous by gate-crashers Tareq and Michaele Salahi, the Secret Service announced Monday -- exposing more holes in the security perimeter around President Obama.

Unlike the Salahis, this newly revealed crasher got into the White House with the official delegation from Florida State University's Political Science Department. Many of the key details have not been officially released: how he came to be with the group of diplomats and how close he got to the president and first lady.

But a congressional source, who was granted anonymity to speak about the ongoing investigation into porous security at the White House, identified the man as T.A.H. guest writer and sometimes football columnist John Clark (see photo), a Warrenton, VA attorney whose firm is owed money by…drum roll, please…the Salahis.

The source saw Clark's name in official e-mails and documents pertaining to the Secret Service probe. Clark, age unknown (but that oxygen mask is not a good sign), did not respond Monday to repeated e-mails and phone messages, but on Tuesday he did notify T.A.H. that he "cried like a baby" at the end of the FSU/West Virginia Gator Bowl football game.

Allegedly, The Washington Post (hack newspaper) spoke with him last month regarding a comment he made to a blogger about the ridiculous manner in which his alma mater ended its relationship with the beloved Coach Dadgummit. In that particular brief exchange, he denied knowledge of anything to do with any state dinners.

The Secret Service released its statement following a report by Ronald Kessler, a journalist who writes for Newsmax.com (bogus news web site). Kessler reported that the agency discovered the fourth crasher after examining surveillance video of arriving guests and found one tuxedoed man wearing an oxygen mask who did not match any name on the guest list. (That's some quality detective work there!)

The White House declined to comment about the breach.

*Items in italics may not be true.