UNC V. MICHIGAN STATE

Here is all you need to know via the Raleigh News & Observer:

http://blogs.newsobserver.com/accnow/unc-michigan-state-5-things-to-watch

PICTURES OF THE DAY

THE BIG EAST...BLAH BLAH BLAH

By now you know that North Carolina and Michigan State will play Monday night for the National Championship. Oddly enough, there won´t be a team from the Big East playing on Monday night. The word down here in ol´Mexico is that the mainstream media is perplexed.

So, it´s deja vu all over again. The Heels clobbered the Spatans in December, but this version is now clearly better. However, as we stated before last night´s game, if UNC shows up and plays defense like they did last night, Michigan State is in a tough spot.

Loyal readers would normally expect additional pithy commentary and wise anaylsis. Today, you will get no such thing.

Ít´s 85 degrees. The people are nice, the food is good, and the lizards are BIG.

Go Heels.

Adios.

ARGHHHH! STUPID GOVERNMENT RUINS TERPS' ANTI-FINAL FOUR

Since those crazy kids in College Park had no Terp in the fight at the Final Four, the question was "What are we gonna do instead?"

Well, the answer was pretty obvious to those wizards at the student theatre at the University of Maryland: PORN!

Yep, they decided to show the XXX film "Pirates II: Stagnetti's Revenge" and, needless to say, tickets were selling fast.

While, "Pirates II: Stagnetti's Revenge," was mysteriously overlooked by those stuffy Oscar folks, it does have an interesting plot. Evidently, pirate hunter Captain Edward Reynolds and his blond first mate, Jules Steel, return where they are recruited by a shady governor general to find a darkly sinister Chinese empress pirate, named Xifing, and her group of Arab cutthroats, whom are trying to resurrect the late Victor Stagnetti, the world's most feared pirate, from the grave to bring on world domination.

Apparently, achieving world domination involves a lot of sex.

But, wait! Enter, the Maryland General Assembly.

Yesterday, during a budget debate, conservative Senator Andrew P. Harris offered an amendment to the budget that would withhold state funding to any school that aired a Triple X movie. C'mon, everybody loves a good pirate flick!

Now the administrators over at UM love a good time, but forgoing $424 million a year seemed a bit much.

No more movie - plug pulled - literally.

Needless to say, the students were incensed. Don't be shocked if beer is consumed and something gets set on fire.

OK, kids, what have we learned?

Answer: Sen. Andrew P. Harris, left, is a fuddy-duddy, and Senate President Thomas V. Mike Miller Jr. (right) really needs a haircut.

ADIOS, T.A.H. AMIGOS

Look, you're just gonna have to suck it up and go it alone. Yes, you're gonna have to muddle through the Final Four without T.A.H. holding your hand. You'll be OK.

When in doubt, drink more, and dream those sweet LAX dreams.

We're going to Mexico - Isla Mujeres to be exact. (Go ahead, Google it, we'll wait for you.)

Supposedly there is a beach bar with satellite T.V. (Jax Bar and Grill) which shows "American Sports" in "English." Hey, Jax other gig is sportfishing, so he has to be a cool guy. If they don't show the games, the jokes on us. Worse comes to worse, we catch a fast boat to Cancun - 35 pesos. That's about $3.50 U.S. last time we looked, which was about two beers ago.

So, be brave, and enjoy the cyber silence.

There are a half-dozen internet cafes on the 5 mile long island, so if we get bored, or it rains, we may check in from time to time…but, don't count on it.

VILLANOVA: DUKE IN WOLVES CLOTHING

The word before the Duke v. Villanova game was that the two teams were mirror images of one another. Based on the final score, we’re gonna have to go “Fun House” mirror, but, general speaking we concur with the assessment. Duke and Villanova are very similar.

Neither team is particularly big and both basically run a four guard game. It now appears that the Wildcats play better defense than the Blue Devils and they have proven they can handle bigger teams by beating Pittsburgh.

But can they beat North Carolina?

Short Answer: Probably not. If Villanova plays their best game and North Carolina does the same, the now seven-point favorite Heels win every time. If Ol’ Roy’s boys lose defensive focus and allow the good Villanova guards to penetrate and kick the ball out, ‘Nova has a chance.

But the math doesn’t bode well for Villanova. While they have more offense contributors than Duke, they still don’t match up well with a bigger more prolific North Carolina.

The Cats starting five of Dante Cunningham (pictured below), Scottie Reynolds (pictured above), Corey Fisher, Corey Stokes and Dwayne Anderson are averaging 16.2, 15.2, 10.7, 9.5 and 9.1 points per game. Other than his last second shot heroics, Reynolds has not played particularly well during the Big Dance.

UNC’s starting five of Psycho-T, Ty “The Toe” Lawson, Wayne Ellington, Danny Green and Deon Thompson average 20.9, 16.3, 15.6, 13.3 and 10.7…

Do the math…Villanova’s starters total 15.8 points per game less, and they aren’t bring the likes of Ed Davis, Bobby Frasor or Tyler Zeller off the bench.

Advantage Carolina.

As previously stated, if UNC plays their game, they win.

MONDAY NIGHT PREDICTION

UNC v. MICHIGAN STATE: The Spartans are on a roll and playing close to home, and, if they knock off UConn (currently a four point favorite), they will have revenge on their side. Back in December, North Carolina beat Michigan State 90-zillion to 60-something at Ford Field - the very same site as the Final Four. So the Trojan Horse kids would be looking to even the score from a serious a** whoopin.

Won’t matter. Even with center Goran Suton playing (he didn’t back in December), they can’t match up with Carolina. Suton is good, but he only averages 10 points a game. He can’t bridge the gap between 90-zillion and 60-something…assuming, the Heels play their game. If they lose focus, Michigan State can win what amounts to a home game in the Championship.

UNC v. UCONN: We’re pretty sure UConn is good, but we’ve yet to see it. The win over Mizzou was downright butt ugly and all this talk about how freshmen point guard Kemba Walker “emerging” into a game changer based on 23 points vs. Missouri is silly. Prior to that, he averaged two points per game. Simply put, Ty Lawson will eat his lunch.

While Thabeet is tall and talented, he can’t stop all the weapons Carolina will throw at him. His 13 points and 10 rebounds per game is likely offset by any number of Ol’ Roys’ cavalry.

Either way, advantage Tar Heels.

HAMBURGER HELPER: NINE MCDONALD’S ACC ALL-AMERICANS

Derrick Favors, F, 6-9, 235, (Georgia Tech), Atlanta: No pressure on the gifted power forward; he only has to lift a Georgia Tech from the ACC basement and save coach Paul Hewitt's job.

Milton Jennings, F, 6-9, 215, (Clemson), Cottageville, S.C.: Clemson's first McDonald's All-American since Sharone Wright (1991) should fit right into the top of Oliver Purnell's press and complement Tigers power forward Trevor Booker.

Ryan Kelly, F, 6-10, 217, (Duke), Raleigh: Tall and skinny, the Ravenscroft forward plays more in the mold of current Duke forward Kyle Singler than as a true post presence.

Dexter Strickland, G, 6-3, 180, (North Carolina), Rahway, N.J.: If Wayne Ellington leaves for the NBA, Strickland likely would be the Tar Heels' starting shooting guard. Like Ellington, Strickland is regarded as an excellent 3-point shooter.

John Henson, F, 6-10, 200, (North Carolina), Tampa, Fla.: The top power forward in the Class of 2009, Henson's strength is his ability to run the floor. With Tyler Zeller and Ed Davis, he gives the Tar Heels plenty of options to replace the departing Tyler Hansbrough.

Mason Plumlee, F, 6-11, 220, (Duke), Arden: Plumlee possess the size to immediately upgrade Duke's interior next season. Like a lot of Duke's forwards, he can also score while facing the basket. (Pictured)

Michael Snaer, G, 6-5, 200, (Florida State), Moreno Valley, Calif.: With Derwin Kitchen sliding over to the point guard, it likely will be Snaer, who averaged 28.1 points per game, to replace All-ACC guard Toney Douglas in FSU's starting lineup.

David Wear, F, 6-10, 225, (North Carolina), Huntington Beach, Calif. …Travis Wear, F, 6-10, 230, (North Carolina), Huntington Beach, Calif.: The Wear twins can both shoot the ball and run the floor. They are the latest in a long line of prospects Roy Williams has mined from the state of California.

HEELS WIN CHAMPIONSHIP BASED ON BEING ‘TAR HEEL DEAD’

Paste Magazine which is “devoted to signs of life in music, film and culture” got out on a limb a bit recently when they published a blog post by Nick Marino about who would win the Final Four based on the schools’ fight songs.
The basketball fan in me believes that a successful Final Four comes down to fundamentals—the team that wins the tourney will hit free throws, box out for rebounds and contain the gawky awesomeness of Tyler Hansbrough.

The music fan in me believes it’ll all come down to fight songs. Here, I rank the four remaining teams based on the quality of their fight songs.
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Curious now, aren’t you? Go ahead click here and read who wins…

TOES LAWSON FEELING LUCKY IN DETROIT

AP – Norrth Carolina guard Ty Lawson has already won big at the Final Four.

Don't expect the NCAA to make commercials about it, though.

Hours after arriving in Detroit, the North Carolina point guard hit a downtown casino and left with a little extra cash.

"We got in last night, and Coach [Roy Williams] gave us a curfew of 1:30," Lawson said when asked if he had visited any casinos. "I went over to Greektown and won about $250. So I already had my time there. It's probably the last time I go there before the games start."

Lawson said he played only craps and earned his winnings in about an hour.

Team spokesman Steve Kirschner said the 21-year-old is legally of age to visit a casino.
"I'm just amazed that people are going to make a big deal about it," Kirschner said.

While neither illegal nor a violation of NCAA rules, gambling is a touchy issue for an organization already skittish about holding its biggest event in a city that counts three casinos among its attractions.

In a separate news conference at Ford Field, NCAA president Myles Brand said the organization only prohibits gambling on college and professional sports. But Brand said he would prefer athletes don't gamble at the casinos.

"Well, I warn against that slippery slope. It's a fair question," said Brand, who was not asked specifically about Lawson. "What a student does, play bingo in his church for example, while we discourage that, we prefer not to try and regulate that particular kind of activity. But it's highly discouraged."

Calls to fellow Final Four participants Villanova, Connecticut and Michigan State regarding whether their players have visited casinos or were prohibited from going were not immediately returned.

PICTURE OF THE DAY

N.I.T. CHAMPS. Penn State players celebrate during the awards ceremony after beating Baylor 69-63 in the NIT championship college basketball game Thursday, April 2, 2009, in New York. That should make the Hokies feel a little better.

(AP Photo/Frank Franklin II)

FSU WINS APPEAL AND HAS SIX LOSSES EXPUNGED FROM RECORD

Folks in Tallahassee are calling it “a miracle.”

The Suits In Kansas, also known as the NCAA, announced this morning that they were completely wrong about what the punishment needed to be for the cheating scandal at Florida State.

Reacting quickly and decisively to a letter written by FSU President T.K. “Couldn’t Stand The” Wetherell to the NCAA Committee on Infractions on March 17th of this year, the Myles “Behind” Brand-led organization decided to immediately reexamine its "entire penalty structure."

Even though the cheating involved every sport at the school (over 217) and the overwhelming majority of the “student athletes” (estimated to be as high as 13,598), the whiz kids from Tornadoville slashed the “totally unfair” punishment previously announced.

Now instead of forfeiting scholarships and reversing victories, the traffic cops over in Stupid Rules World have decided to actually give the Seminoles more scholarship and reverse some losses.

Needless to say this caused much joy (almost to the point of a post Maryland big win riot) on campus and throughout Bowden households all over the land. Except at three of the sons houses who issued statements about “Dad getting all the breaks.”

The final bit of icing on the garnet and gold cake was when it was revealed that Florida State would be able to choose the six losses to now reverse into overwhelming victories.

Coach Bowden and his ever loyal boosters held an emergency meeting of the Chop Chop Tomahawk You Get What You Pay For Club and made a very quick decision on the losses to reverse.

Sighting Bowden’s seniority - the elder Bowden has been coaching Florida State for 149 years - the “boosters” allowed Bowden a single pick. His choice surprised no one when he instantly blurted out “the dadgum 2006 Orange Bowl” when we lost to “that dadburn bastard Joe Pa” in triple overtime 26-23.

The money men then chose, again to no one’s surprise, Wide Right 1 (Gerry Thomas), Wide Right 2 (Dan Mowrey), Wide Right 3 (Matt Munyon), Wide Right 4 (Xavier Beitia) and Wide Left (Xavier Beitia) as the other five games.

Officials at Miami and Penn State could not be reached for comment.

LAWSON AMPUTATES OWN TOES WITH HELP FROM PSYCHO T

UNC point guard Ty Lawson’s father, Gus “I Fought The Law And The” Lawson made news a few weeks ago when he advised the star point guard to soak his injured toe in a warm Epsom salt bath. The result was a badly swollen big piggy that could have cost the Heels a trip to the Final Four.

When Lawson's now famous appendage was sore following North Carolina’s victory over Oklahoma in the Elite Eight, Lawson’s dad was there to help once again. This time he suggested a more radical treatment – amputation.

“Cool,” said fellow All-American Tyler Hansbrough, “Let’s whack it off with a ping pong paddle.”

While the elder Lawson did not attend medical school, the younger Lawson noted that he had “driven by” both the world renown Duke and UNC medical centers on “numerous” occasions.

“My dad has never steered me wrong,” said an upbeat Lawson after the procedure, “…well except maybe that one time with the toe thing.”

When asked why he voluntarily chose to remove the other uninjured big toe, Lawson said, “That was Tyler’s idea. He said if I had nine toes, I’d be unbalanced and it would mess up my shot.”

“Obviously, he’s smarter than me, “ concluded Lawson, “I was the ACC Player of the Year and he wasn’t, and yet I'm second team All America and he’s first team. Go figure. Oh…and his dad actually went to med school, so he knows stuff.”

SHOCKING NEWS: MOM WAS RIGHT!

Duke junior forward Jon “Crazy Face” Scheyer has been admitted to the Duke Medical Center in an attempt to remove the “crazy face” from his countenance. Before today, Scheyer’s face was completely normal until he stepped on a basketball court. Once he attempted to make any kind of play, his face would seemingly go into uncontrollable spasms.

There is only one known photo of Scheyer playing for Duke with a “normal” expression on his face. That shot was taken in Duke’s loss to Villanova where the stat line notes that Jon “Normal Face” Scheyer was 3 for 18 from the field and only scored 13 points in a spectacular NCAA tournament loss for the Blue Devils.

Doctors at the famous medical complex were stunned (and a little grossed out) by Scheyer’s bizarre facial contortions noting that his mother probably “warned him.”

Scheyer typically complained that his face was sore after games noting that the pain was especially excruciating after an overtime game.

“If I don’t stay hydrated,” Scheyer said, “I get cramps in my lips and cheeks. Jeez, that smarts.”

NEW ON – AND FLYING OFF – THE BOOKSHELVES

Recruiting Un-Athletic Doomed To Fail In The NBA White McDonalds All-Americans, by Mike Kryzjnbv2ski.

If It Ain’t Friggin’ Broke, Roy Williams Ain’t Gonna Friggin’ Fix It, by Roy “Roy Williams” Williams.

Diet And Exercising For The Small(er) Kitchen Appliance(s), by Ralph “The Fridge” Friedgen.

Life Lessons From An Underachieving Millionaire, by Ralph Sampson.

The Ying and Yow of Maryland Basketball: An Expose By The Head Coach Who Resurrected The Program From Death And Then Won A National Championship When The Miserable Jerks In The Athletic Department Said He Never Would While Questioning His Recruiting, by Gary “Speed Stick” Williams.

Job Hunting In The NFL During A Down Economy While Constantly Explaining To Your Family Why You Quit The ‘Good’ Job At The ‘Nice’ College, by Jeff Jagodzinski.

My Life At The Free Throw Line And The Lessons I’ve Learned, by Oliver Purnell.

Dead Grandparent Jokes: A Collection of Short Stories, by N.C. State alums and fans.

Hottest NCAA Cheerleaders I’m Not Married To, by Jeff Jones.

The Lonely Panet Guide To The Best Places To Score A Snapple At 4 A.M., by Julius Hodge.

PICTURES OF THE DAY

ALL DONE. Officials at Duke and the University of North Carolina have agreed to call off the Tobacco Road rivalry due to "unsavory behavior" displayed by all parties.

Students at Maryland say "WTF?"

PICTURE OF THE DAY 2

ALL DONE. Duke Coach Mike Krzycvbp7ski has promised to stop yelling at referees. Instead he will send them obscene messges via texting, email and tweats.

HAPPY APRIL FOOLS DAY

*items in italics may not be true, but you already knew that.