Wednesday, December 2, 2009


Sources close to T.A.H. tell us that PGA Commissioner Tim Finchem will hold a press conference today to reassure fans of professional golf that the overwhelming majority of PGA golfers are happily married conservative Republicans who hate to pay taxes and never cheat on their wives/girlfriends.

If any of them are philanderers, homosexuals or Democrats, Finchem plans to conveniently forget who they are.

In addition, Finchem is rumored to be announcing the formation of a new cheer leading squad – the Bobcats – whose job it will be to silently lead silent cheers for embattled star Tiger Woods when he returns to tournament golf (projected to be April of 2010 after his wounds heel and he finishes a very long “Honey Do” list).

“Cheerleaders are a big part of college and professional sports," Finchem said, “and we see no reason why that concept can’t work in golf as well. Our players, and Tiger in particular, are worthy of additional support and I am not at all concerned that they will be distracted by attractive scantily clad women.”

*Items in italics may not be true.

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