Thursday, December 3, 2009

MINI-CULTURAL APOCALYPES APPARENTLY ALSO COME IN THREES

Celebrity deaths come in threes, apparently so do celebrity meltdowns.

First you had the state dinner gate-crashers, then greatest golfer ever acting like what Mike Lupica called a “constantly horny, single rock star” and then an NBA player (mind you a bit of a whack job NBA player, but a well known one just the same) saying he was having cocktails at halftime.

Nice trifecta there, sports fans.

Ron Artest now says he drank cognac at half-time when he played for the Chicago Bulls fr0m 1999-2002. He blames it on losing and being a “head case.” Maybe the losing had something to do with Artest being half in the bag? And the "head" could be because of the "case" he drank.

To further spice things up, a much more laid-back-out-of-the-news/dog house Artest recently told a reporter he was eager to fight Detroit center Ben Wallace who shoved him on the play that preceeded the infamous 2004 brawl with Pistons fans when Artest was with Indiana.
This prompted Wallace to say, “He said he wanted to fight me? You all need to check and see if he’s still drinking.”

Is anybody really surprised by Tigers’ indiscretions? He has lived in a bubble of fame, wealth, adoration and super stardom his entire adult life. It’s amazing that he’s as “normal” as he appears to be. One thing now seems apparent -- his existence as a golf superstar since he was literally a child has robbed him of some street smarts, some common sense and a functioning moral compass.

The fact that he sent hundreds of text messages to and left voice mails for the women with which he was having affairs says Woods is either stupid or naïve or incredibly arrogant.

We know he’s not stupid, so we are going to go with naïve and arrogant. OK, dumb, naïve and arrogant.

And then there’s the Salahis. They decided to crash a party at the White House apparently as a publicity stunt to secure their position on a reality T.V. show – The Real Housewives of D.C. Now, there is a firestorm of controversy surrounding this couple including claims that Mrs. Salahi was a former Redskin cheerleader and a Victoria Secret model. Both organizations deny she’s been either.

Hey, when the Redskins cheerleaders throw you under the bus, you need to order carryout sunshine. Add to it allegations about the couples charity event not paying vendors and exaggerating contributions while failing to comply with IRS regulations and rumors of their home being in foreclosure and you have to ask one question:

Didn’t they realize that any skeletons – real or imagined – in their combined closets would be paraded about public for all the world to see when the subjected themselves to such a white hot spotlight?

Fame (and/or infamy) travel(s) hand-in-hand with scrutiny.

And…and it’s a big AND, who the hell believes you get invited to a White House State Dinner via email?

Really?

There is surely only one word that describes their version of these events and it involves fecal matter and a male cow.

In fact, that’s a pretty good word to describe the entire trifecta.

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