Tuesday, October 27, 2009

EAGLES 27, REDSKINS 17, FANS 0, VINNIE & MR. SNYDER -4,398,912

Dear Mr. Snyder:

Congrats, you once again deftly managed to turn our little inside/outside the beltway family squabble into a national drama of epic reality T.V. proportions. Well, at least EVERYBODY who works for ESPN can agree on something…

Yes, that loss was bad. In fact, it clearly moves to the top of the list of your 100 MOST EMBARRASSING MOMENTS…to see the list (and be prepared, it’s both FUNNY and ACCURATE) click here.

Today, after what was one of the SADDEST performances by an incredibly beleaguered team (not to mention the semi-tragic injury to Chris Cooley that ESPN mentioned EXACTLY once after it happened – and that includes the first 45 minutes of POST game wrap-up), we want to ask three questions.

NUMBER 1: Why does the media want to ruin you, your team and this season? We DON’T get it.

NUMBER 2: Albert Haynesworth is good. He’s an amazing athlete for a guy that weighs in at 350 lbs. Yes, he gets nicked up every game and yes, your own Red Zebra guys at WTEM make fun of him suggesting that after each series he needs “oxygen and BACON,” but, in spite of the jealousy driven criticism so typical of human nature when somebody gets massively OVER compensated for a meaningless job, he’s still pretty DAMN good. Any chance he can play offensive tackle? Maybe the left one, so Steven Heyer can move back to his natural undrafted, un-restricted, walk-on position of right tackle and then maybe Jason Campbell and/or Todd Collins will LIVE to see next season?

(Imagine how cranked off prima-donna Jay Cutler would be if he was getting sacked as much as Campbell is?)

NUMBER 3: Speaking of Cutler. Jason Campbell is simply not good THESE days. He’s digressed to say the least. Last night, he made bad decisions when he stopped holding the ball and made any decisions at all…when, of course, he WASN’T holding the ball on the occasions when he FUMBLED or threw an INTERCEPTION after he actually got the SNAP…but, you get the point.

Now here at T.A.H., we aren’t big advocates of CONSPIRACY theory. Our primary reason is our fundamental disbelief that most human beings are capable of large amounts of the complex thoughts needed to create and implement such intricate plans. In addition, if by some miracle, they can devise such a sophisticated plot, human nature again rears its ugly head and makes it impossible for such folks to keep their devious plans a secret.

However, that disclaimer aside, is it POSSIBLE that Jason Campbell is jobbing you and Vinnie something fierce? Did he go home last night and look in the mirror and giggle:

“That’ll teach you A-HOLES to shop me for pretty-boy Cutler and the unproven rookie 5 interception tossing Sanchez! Take THAT you bastards!”
Oh, and now that you've demoted your head coach in such an EMBARASSING way, is it possible he's in on the scam as well (see big smile in photo below)?

A long shot we know, but we had to ask.

Who knew a bye-week could ever look so good. During the next two weeks, why don’t you and Vinnie hire a new defensive coordinator? OK, our bad…that’s a fourth question, but we do hear Buddy Ryan is down in Kentucky raising race horses and GRANDCHILDREN, and I’m sure he’s board and looking for a quick half-mil for the final 10 games.

Oh, and one more thing since we wont’ be talking for the next two weeks – NOT hiring Greg Williams as head coach, that was brilliant. He really sucks and we don’t know how NEW ORLEANS will make it through the season with such a crappy defense led by such an unqualified and undeserving coach.

Nice, Mr. Snyder, NICE!

Your Loyal Fan,
T.A.H.

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