Tuesday, September 29, 2009

DESPONDENT WAHOOS RESORTING TO STEALING BOOZE

We received an email last week at T.A.H. Worldwide Media Headquarters alerting us to a very disturbing situation at the University of Virginia. The info was sent to us by a very reliable source T.A.H. won’t name here (Dr. A.G. Wahoo). Our source is a donor and a season ticket holder for both basketball and football (and maybe polo), and he always has the inside scoop on what’s going down in C’ville.

The email included a message (pictured here), from the UVA Athletic Foundation about a subject near and dear to all Wahoos hearts – booze.

It said: We wanted to alert you about a situation brought to our attention after the last home football game. A special agent with the Virginia Department of ABC asked that we contact each of our donors with reserved parking passes to let them know that a few individuals have attempted to steal alcohol from tailgating sites once the fans have entered the stadium.

It is important that you take particular care to secure all of your tailgating items, in particular alcoholic beverages, before entering the stadium for the game.

Please do not hesitate to contact us if you have any questions.

(Actual photo of actual cocktail from an actual UVA tailgate v. USC, Sept. 2008)

Of course this was followed by a virtual rain of responses from frustrated and woebegone Cavs, including this one:

I read about something like this recently. In the national parks out west, they’re having a terrible time with bears breaking into cars that have food stored inside. The park rangers were urging people to consume all the food they bring or take it with them when they leave their cars.

Taking a lesson from this, shouldn’t you drink as much as you can physically hold before the game and then sneak whatever is left into the stadium with you? Why leave anything behind to tempt these poor people?

There is so much nature can teach us. – M. Johnson.


Below is our favorite from a recent grad that T.A.H. won’t name here (W.A.G. Wahoo, III)

"Sir: This is an obvious prank. There are no donors at the games."

Maybe Cav Man should stay out in the parking lot and guard the hooch instead of galloping into the stadium only to fall off his trusty steed...or maybe his getting tossed by an innocent looking "crow hop" makes him a suspect of the crime of pre-game liqour theft/consumption?

Hmmm...

Nice, Hoos, NICE!
(Editor's note: We don't know if any of this is true, but if it's fake, it's even funnier.)

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