Wednesday, August 19, 2009


So some of the home boys down at Virginia Tech have built a website devoted to rating anchors on Sports Center and guess what? It’s funny.

The installment sent T.A.H. was The Expert Debate: Is Hannah Storm Hot?

One of T.A.H.’s prime members T-Mike took the position that Hannah is, in fact, hot while his bro The White Mamba said “nyet” to the whole Storm hotness thing.

These two, and several other experts would have you believe they have an actual system on how they rate the Sport Center anchors called the Sports Center Anchor Rating or SCAR for short. It has something to do with the rhythm sisters – alga or logi – we aren’t sure which.

Here is their explanation: Getting the SCAR Formula is an incredibly scientific process that uses algorithms from String Theory and Quantum Mechanics. The structure of the formula is much like Jenga, where if any one wrong move is made the entire thing comes crumbling down. Years of research and Sportscenter knowledge from The Experts have gone into the Formula, which unequivocally comes up with the best Anchors.

The SCAR has been compared to the BCS by many experts, which is somewhat accurate. The SCAR is exactly like the BCS except it’s not wrong all the time…

We have to give round one to White Mamba, and it has nothing to do with Hannah. T-Mike was funny, but The White Mamba was funnier.

The White Mamba: The camera adds 10 pounds.” This is what you always here about people who are on TV. Being on camera makes you look 10 pounds heavier than you actually are. This would mean that Hannah Storm is pushing about 60 pounds soaking wet (and Sage Steele might actually just be a cardboard cut-out). I’m sorry Hannah but there is no reason you can’t sneak into Chris Berman’s dressing room and take something off the buffet spread he makes his servants keep fully stocked. There’s strike one.

Strike two: Hannah Storm is only hot relative to her environment. Kind of like if she was in the army or the WNBA. But just because I’m used to looking at Kevin Neghandi all day doesn’t mean I will have a tainted perception of how hot The Storm actually is. She is 47 years old, she has really good posture (which can never be trusted), and she looks better now than she did when she was 30. Strikes three, four, and five.

Oh, one more thing, dudes. Tell The Polar Bear that greatness is also impacted by good spelling. He should be “consciuos” of that and fix his profile!

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