Friday, May 29, 2009

A LETTER FROM MINE THAT BIRD TO JOHN SWOFFORD

Dear Mr. Swofford, Chairman -Bowl Championship Series:

I recently won the Kentucky Derby in a rather dramatic upset. In fact, it was the second biggest dethroning of favorites in the 135 years of the race. Two weeks later, I legitimized my performance by narrowly losing the Preakness by a length to a freak of a filly that nobody’s gonna beat on her good days. Nobody.

Simply put, from humble beginnings in Canada and New Mexico, the month of May has made me a celebrity. Now, like most celebrities, I feel compelled to utilize my untested intellect and world wide fame to influence other issues on which I have little or no expertise. Are the cameras and microphones on?

On what subject will I be sharing my wealth of now famous knowledge? Why, college football, of course.

Look, my win in the Derby clearly demonstrates to the American people, and one idiotic blog that shall remain nameless (T.A.H.), that it’s a wide open competition and the only way to determine the best horse/team is to let ‘em play. Yes, Mr. BCS, I’m advocating a playoff system for D1 football, because if horse racing utilized an exclusionary system controlled by the fat cats to determine the winner, I’d of been standing in my stall munching hay while Pioneerof the Nile won the run for the roses. How stupid would that be?

Let me take you back. I came from humble beginnings. While my daddy is a Belmont Stakes winner, I’m a bit puny and thus drew a meager $9,500 bid at a Kentucky yearling auction. That's chump change by racehorse standards. That clod Dunkirk I humbled in the Derby cost $3 million!

So a savvy Canadian, Dave Cotey, buys me and takes me to Canada where I show everybody I’m pretty talented winning $324,000 and some important stakes races. Now Mr. Cotey subscribes to the Tyson Gilpin horse business mantras of a) “take the money” and b) “it’s always better to have sold and regretted then to have not sold and regretted” so he sold me to these New Mexico cowboys for $400,000 (a much more respectable figure, I might add.)

Which brings me to the clowns I won’t name here (T.A.H.), and how what they said demonstrates the same attitude you BCS snot noses have about an NCAA Football National Championship, and I quote: “Mine That Bird gets our boot based on the fact that he lost back-to-back races in New Mexico which is not exactly a Kentucky Derby proving ground…”

Well that’s like saying the road to the NCAA Division 1 Men's Basketball National Championship doesn’t go through New Mexico…er…um…OK, bad example, but you get my point. You never know where the next champion is going to come from if you let the best horses/teams compete. That’s exactly why they let 20 horses run in the Kentucky Derby, and guess what? America loves it.

So, Mr. BCS, figure it out and have a football playoff. It might be the most compelling thing (not to mention profitable, and Lord knows we all gotta watch the bottom line) sporting event of the year.

Who knows, some big hearted, overlooked, lovable underdog might even win! As Nick Zito, who trained my dad Birdstone to an upset victory over Smarty Jones in the Belmont a few years back said after I won the Derby:
“See, that’s why they run the race.”

See?

Sincerely,
MINE THAT BIRD (2009 Kentucky Derby Winner)

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