Wednesday, April 1, 2009


Duke junior forward Jon “Crazy Face” Scheyer has been admitted to the Duke Medical Center in an attempt to remove the “crazy face” from his countenance. Before today, Scheyer’s face was completely normal until he stepped on a basketball court. Once he attempted to make any kind of play, his face would seemingly go into uncontrollable spasms.

There is only one known photo of Scheyer playing for Duke with a “normal” expression on his face. That shot was taken in Duke’s loss to Villanova where the stat line notes that Jon “Normal Face” Scheyer was 3 for 18 from the field and only scored 13 points in a spectacular NCAA tournament loss for the Blue Devils.

Doctors at the famous medical complex were stunned (and a little grossed out) by Scheyer’s bizarre facial contortions noting that his mother probably “warned him.”

Scheyer typically complained that his face was sore after games noting that the pain was especially excruciating after an overtime game.

“If I don’t stay hydrated,” Scheyer said, “I get cramps in my lips and cheeks. Jeez, that smarts.”

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