Friday, February 6, 2009


Rumors are swirling around beleaguered Terps’ coach Gary Williams yet again. After Tuesday night’s racehorse loss to North Carolina, word on the street in College Park centered not around the locals 91 points in a losing effort, but of persistent rumors that ACC Commissioner John Swofford is having an affair with Maryland’s senior athletic director Kathy Worthington (pictured at left wearing sunglasses) who recently traded barbs with Williams in the Washington Post.

“The proof is in the schedule,” said an anonymous source close to Williams that T.A.H. won’t name here for journalistic and ethical reasons (The Blaze), “She has clearly used her relationship with the league’s big cheese to punish Gary. Look at the schedule, man, it’s obvious! It is, what it is.”

Gotta admit, he’s got a point.

The Terrapins are the only team to have a home-and-home series with both Duke and North Carolina. “Well, with the exception of each other,” said Terp rocket-scientist big unathletic white guy whom T.A.H. won't name (D. Neal), “You know, um, Carolina plays Duke home-and-home and Duke plays the Heels home-and-home, um, does that count?”


But that makes the Terps remaining schedule no less daunting. This weekend they go to Georgia Tech (no longer an easy out), then the Hokies come to Comcast (who knows?), followed by a trip down south to play No. 10 Clemson (loss). Back home four days later, the Tar Heels come to town (fewer points, but still a loss), followed four days later by Duke (loss). Trips to N.C. State (win?) and Virginia (win - lock) are sandwiched around a visit from Wake Forest (loss).

That leaves Gary’s boys outside the Big Dance looking in yet again with 7-9 ACC record and a18-12 record overall.

That’s N.I.T gold, Jerry!

However, there is nothing wrong with Maryland that a good point guard, a couple 6’10” guys and a half-court offense couldn’t cure.

Meanwhile, ACC Commish Swofford could not be reached for comment as he is busy helping work crews construct unsellable seats with bad views in the Georgia Dome for the upcoming ACC tournament March 12-15.

When T.A.H. caught up with Swofford at a downtown Atlanta watering hole after another tough day of bad seat construction, Swofford said, “Look I’ve got enough trouble trying to sell 36,000 tickets to the tournament in a bad economy while defending the current BCS system to the media and the damn President. Simply put, I don’t have time for this Worthington woman and her vendetta against coach what’s-his-name.”

*items in italics may not be true.


  1. "pictured at left wearing sunglasses".... there are FOUR females wearing sunglasses in that photo! care to be more specific?!

  2. Um...dude, you're probably new here. Sometimes we put up spoofs to make a point about current news. This story is just such a spoof, so the fact that it says "pictured at left wearing sunglasses" and there are four young ladies pictured is part of the joke...If Williams is cavorting about with any of these young ladies it's news to T.A.H.


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