Friday, August 1, 2008

50,000

Over 50,000 visits to TAH. Mildly disconserting, at best.

Благодарю

(Spasibo)

(Thank You)

THE FIRST IMPORTANT FOOTBALL QUESTION

It’s that time of year when young men take the field and begin the pursuit of the National Championship in America’s new pastime (move over baseball, you’re old, slow and drug addled) college football. Or in the case of the ACC, young men take the field to begin the pursuit of an ACC Championship and oh so painfully probable loss in a BCS bowl game.

But, we digress.

Since TAH isn’t a traditional ACC sports site, we aren’t gonna get all bogged down in preseason previews. You can catch that at ESPN, Yahoo or Rivals.com. We just stick to the high points – like what is the most important question TODAY on the minds of ACC football fans.

Let’s see…Is it:

Which genius at UVA thought it was a smart idea to open with USC?

Will FSU ever find another QB who can throw the ball farther than 23 yards accurately (the key word being accurately?) And if they find him, can Coach Bowden remember the kids name before the end of his junior season?

Will Butch Davis make the Heels competitive in year 2 or will he have to mow Roy’s lawn again?

How many QBs can Ralph Friedgen play in one game?

Can Paul Johnson use his Navy rushing game effectively at Georgia Tech?

Which team, Miami, FSU or Virginia Tech, will toss a player from the team for some sort of criminal behavior, academic failure or violation of team policy first? (Oops, sorry Tech you already blew that one when you s***-canned your starting RB a couple of months ago.)

Is Boston College really in the ACC?

Why doesn’t anybody really care about N.C. State except N.C. State?

Which two incredibly close games will Clemson lose to teams that they should beat the pee livin’ snot out of?

Will Wake Forest be the Wake Forest of 2006 or the Wake Forest of every other year?

No, no and no some more.

The burning question on everybody’s mind is simply can the James Madison University Football Dukes (the 2004 NCAA Division 1AA Football National Champions and #7 in the 2008 preseason poll) defeat the every so lowly Duke Blue Devils in both teams opener on Saturday, August 30th?

(Praise Jesus, let JMU win…puh-leez…we’re begging!)

Overwhelmed with early action, Vegas has pulled down the line. That must be the reason TAH can’t find one…

DEWEYCHEATUMNHOWE

There is no way the stuff shirts at the American Jockey Club which regulates the names for U.S. Thoroughbred horses would let this gem through the process. Although, they did wake up one day and realize some clerk had approved Bodacious Tatas and Scorched Panties as registered names of what turned out to be two pretty good race fillies, typically speaking the Jockey Club old boys don’t go in for such nonsense.

Enter our stepchild cousins over in Standardbred (or harness racing as it is sometimes known) world. You know the ones with the little carts called a sulky.

They have a nice race called the Hambletonian (purse of $1.5 million) that is the harness racing version of the Super Bowl/Kentucky Derby. Evidently, it’s a big party. (By the way, the photo illustrates why they call Standardbreds "jugheads."

This year the 2 to 5 early favorite is a horse named Deweycheatumnhowe.

Isthatfunnyorwhat?

(AP Photo/US Trotting, Mark Hall)

MAN BOOBS NOT COOL IN SOUTH AFRICA

Evidently man boobs are not cool in South Africa where everybody worships the man in black – Gary Player.

Obviously, Mr. Player who is generally known as an enlightened soul, isn’t so keen on this particular male anatomy anomaly either.

In a recent issue of Vogue – which, of course, IMMEDIATELY begs the question: What the hell was Gary Player doing talking to Vogue in the first place? – Mr. Players said the following not so nice thing:

"EVERY time he walked, you could see his breasts bouncing all over the place"

(Editor's note: Emphasis on EVERY not added by TAH. And, evidently, it was Men's Vogue...as if anybody knew there was such a thing.)

Note to Phil: Old Hall of Fame golf guy just called you out on the man boobs thing.

Photo © Rich Hodge;Mickelson

BECAUSE HE CAN…

According to the AP, everybody loves LSU’s Les Miles…Even Snoop Dogg.

Just in case the LSU coach needed any help, rapper Snoop Dogg added some star power to a recent Rotary club meeting.

The rapper, a new buddy of Miles, was in town for a performance this week and made a cameo appearance during Miles' Wednesday meeting with the business group.

Snoop Dogg -- a solid Southern California Trojans fan -- donned an LSU football jersey and said he just wanted to give his love and support to Miles. Miles just wanted to return it to Snoop Dogg.

Miles says he's become a fan of the artist through his son, Ben. Miles says he's a fan of both the music and the man.

Talk about a recruiting tool…You know every A.D. in the S.E.C. has already sent an anonymous message to the NCAA stiffs out in Kansas. Two words: drug test.

PICTURE(S) OF THE DAY

THE OLYMPICS ARE COMING…Don’t expect much coverage from TAH.

Do expect some pictures thought. Here’s a couple. One’s cool and one’s odd.

In the first, an Olympic volunteer takes a photograph during the solar eclipse ahead of the Beijing 2008 Olympic Games on August 1, 2008 in Beijing, China. This caption, of course, does not explain the giant headed swimmer.



In the other, a tanker truck waters a road in Green Square ahead of the Beijing 2008 Olympic Games.

Don’t ask us, we don’t know.

(Photos by Cameron Spencer and Clive Rose/Getty Images)

PICTURE OF THE DAY 2

MESSED UP…? Remember when the immortal character Jeff Spicoli from the classic film Fast Times at Ridgemont High said "People on ludes should NOT DRIVE!”?

Well…

Ferrari Brazilian's driver Felipe Massa enters the pits of the Hungaroring racetrack on August 1, 2008 during the first practice session of the Formula One Hungarian Grand Prix.
Check out the photographers name.

(Photo by Attila Kisbenedek/AFP/Getty Images)

Monday, July 28, 2008

THE GAME OF FOOTBALL SCREWS DUKE...AGAIN

Once again, football ineptitude is at the center of a controversy at Duke University.

Some would tell you it’s about golf and other related issues, but TAH’s crack team of investigators have discovered the real reason for the rift, and now lawsuit that generated 545 news story on Google early this a.m.
Truth be known, the elusive pigskin, and how the game is both perceived and played at the Durham-based relocation camp for displaced New Jersey/New York Ivy League Wannabes, has yet again bitten all non-Krzxncbvhgds2ki related parties square in the tookus.

Evidently, former New York mayor and really horrible Republican presidential candidate Rudy Giuliani’s son, Andrew, has been kicked off the Duke University golf team and is suing to get back on. The 22-year-old aspiring pro golfer claims in a federal suit that Duke’s new golf coach trumped up a series of allegations to force him out and turn his classmates against him.

Andrew recently hooked up on the links with Tiger Woods where the Stanford loyalist said, “They aren’t the Stanford of the South, I don’t care what they say. You should sue the bastards. Oh, and you might want to rotate your right hand around the shaft about 25/57ths of an inch.” (Editor’s note: If you look closely at this photo, you might surmise that Duke has ditched young Giuliani for the simple reason that he looks way too much like Super Nerd Ron Howard.)

“I want to make sure this doesn’t happen to anyone else at Duke,” young Andrew reportedly said in a press release that thanked his mother and step dad but not his father. His mother, Donna Hanover, reportedly called the incident “heartbreaking.”

Andrew Giuliani was recruited to Duke by former coach Rod Myers, who died last year. UCLA’s Daniel “O.D.” Vincent III was brought in to replace Myers, and Giuliani contends he was on a mission to shrink the size of the team. (Editors note: We aren’t sure, but we think O.D. in Coach Vincent’s name stands for “Obviously a Democrat.”)

Duke’s coach says he tossed A.G. off the squad for a number of “violations” of team rules such as driving too fast out of a parking lot, breaking a driver and getting into a confrontation with a teammate. (Editor’s note: Oh the humanity!!!!) The Giuliani camp claims these issues are fabricated, but lucky for you, loyal reader, TAH has discovered the real reason for the valid/invalid dismissal.

In the complaint, Guiliani’s legal beagles site a number of bogus reasons for the dismissal, but this is the one that caught our great big cycloptic eye:

On Feb. 4, during a golf-team football game, “Andrew played harder than some of the other boys wanted to play.”

Note the key word “boys.” Good one, huh?

So that explains it, Giuliani, who is from a football state and, no doubt, a fan of the 2008 Super Bowl Champion New York Giants, put the wood to some pansy-ass Duke golfers in a football game. We guess the “boys” didn’t really want to play football to begin with, and, God forbid, anybody who represents Duke Athletics should know better than to play hard at the blasphemous game of football.

To make matters worse, (like that could be possible) then Coach Vincent allegedly told Giuliani the suspension would be lifted only if all 12 of his teammates lobbied for him - a scheme the suit likened to “Lord of the Flies.”

TOP PHOTO: Andrew Giuliani speaks with Tiger Woods at the Westchester Country Club during the 2001 Buick Classic. Woods played with Andrew during the Pro-Am tournament. (AP Photo/Kathy Willens)

Rudolph Giuliani, center, and children Caroline, left, and Andrew, at Gracie Mansion for Giuliani’s wedding, May 24, 2003. Funny, in this photo they don't appear to hate their father. (AP Photo/Diane Bondareff)

GEORGIA TECH CENTER BOLTS TO EUROPE

According to the AP, Georgia Tech center Ra'Sean Dickey has given up his senior season to play professionally in the Ukraine.

Coach Paul Hewitt said Wednesday the 6-foot-10 Dickey signed a contract with Budivelnyk Kiev of the Ukrainian Super League. He redshirted last season to recover from acute tendinitis in his right knee and had a year of eligibility remaining.

"Ra'Sean and his family have decided that the time is right for him to begin his professional basketball career, and we wish him all the best," Hewitt said.

Dickey played in 89 games over three seasons, averaging 8.7 points and 5.1 rebounds while shooting 60.1 percent from the field. His best season was 2005-06, when he averaged 13.2 points and 6.8 rebounds.

The Yellow Jackets were 15-17 last season, including 7-9 in the Atlantic Coast Conference.

Ra'Sean Dickey #4 of the Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets shoots the ball over Tyler Hansbrough #50 of the University of North Carolina Tar Heels on January 20, 2007 at the Dean E. Smith Center in Chapel Hill. (Photo by Streeter Lecka/Getty Images)

HOKIE, HEEL ATHLETES OF THE YEAR

UNC’s Tyler Hansbrough and Virginia Tech softball pitcher Angela Tincher, two individuals who earned national player-of-the-year honors while leading their teams to ACC championships and strong contention for national titles, are the 2008 Atlantic Coast Conference Male and Female Athletes of the Year.

Hansbrough receives the "Anthony J. McKevlin Award" as the league's top male performer. That award, named in honor of the former sports editor of the Raleigh News & Observer, has been presented since the formation of the ACC in 1954.

Tincher is recipient of the "Mary Garber Award," named for the former Winston-Salem Journal reporter and a pioneer for women in the field of sports journalism. That award was established in 1990 to honor the league's top female athlete.
The consensus national player-of-the-year, Hansbrough also earned ACC Player of the Year, ACC Tournament MVP and NCAA Regional MVP honors (only the fourth individual in ACC history to receive all four honors in the same season). He averaged 22.6 points per game, the most by a Tar Heel since

Tincher, the USA Softball National Player of the Year and Honda Award recipient as the top player in her sport, led the Hokies to their first-ever Women's College World Series appearance while ranking first nationally in both strikeouts and earned run average.

She was also named the ESPN the Magazine Academic All-American of the Year in softball, graduating with a 3.84 grade point average as a finance major.

PIGSKIN SHOCKER: CLEMSON, VA TECH FIRST, DUKE LAST

The ACC media has produced it's preseason polls:
Coastal Division
1. Clemson (59) 383, 2. North Carolina (4) 288, 3. Miami (1) 253, 4. Georgia Tech (1) 195, 5. Virginia (1) 161, 6. Duke (0) 85

Atlantic Division
1. Virginia Tech (58) 383, 2. Wake Forest (5) 304, 3. Florida State (1) 265, 5. Maryland 147, 6. NC State 112

First place votes in parentheses.

ACC Championship Game Winner: Clemson (51 votes)

PICTURE OF THE DAY

LIVIN' ON A PRAYER...Jim Foster, left, founder of the Arena Football League, holds the trophy with Jon Bon Jovi, a majority owner of the Philadelphia Soul, after their win over the San Jose SaberCats in the ArenaBowl XXII football game in New Orleans, Sunday, July 27, 2008.

The Soul won 959-856.

(AP Photo/Alex Brandon)

PICTURE OF THE DAY 2

THE TOUR DE TRICHEURS...finally ends. Yellow Jersey overall race winner Carlos Sastre of Spain and Team CSC Saxobank celebrates on the Champs Elysees following Stage Twenty One of the Tour de France on July 27, 2008 in Paris, France.

When it was all over Sastre said, “¡Mis del asno daños realmente!”

(My a** really hurts!)

(Photo by Jasper Juinen/Getty Images)

PICTURE OF THE DAY 3

SOCCER IS WEIRD...Supporters of Manchester United and Portsmouth FC watch side by side their friendly soccer match in Abuja, Nigeria, Sunday, July 27 2008. Manchester United won the match 2-1.

Any questions?

(AP Photo/George Osodi)

PICTURE OF THE DAY 4

THE AINTS...? For years, the New Orleans Saints have underperformed, at times leading their fans to wear paper bags over their heads.

Here, offensive guard Jahri Evans (73) climbs a hill on his way to the afternoon practice session at the NFL football training camp at Millsaps College in Jackson, Miss.

Maybe this photo explains part of the problem?

(AP Photo/Rogelio V. Solis)

PICTURE OF THE DAY 5

THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO HMMM…Here are oldtimers Joe Paterno and Bobby Bowden at recent preseason football press conferences.

As usual, Bowden looks a bit confused, and Paterno…well, he just looks a little crazy.


(AP Photos/M. Spencer Green/John Bazemore)

Blog Archive