Saturday, April 5, 2008


With props to StateFansNation and The Onion:

(Double click the picture and the captions are easier to read.)

The Final Four is almost here. Which means a lot of things…and this year it means that the world will have the ‘pleasure’ of watching the most amazing college basketball player in history!

With Rick Morrissey leading the charge in this fantastic article, we FINALLY have some other folks in the media willing to highlight some of the insanity around the world’s love affair with the previously unassailable Hopsandwalk.

Analysts for my network, CBS, portray Hansbrough as a crime-fighting special-forces soldier. He’s Batman Hansbrough. The only thing missing during some broadcasts of his games is the waving of the American flag and the singing of the Star Spangled Banner.

+ Tyler Hansbrough: He pulls cats out of trees.
+ Tyler Hansbrough defeated the Houston Rockets.
+ Tyler Hansbrough doesn’t do HGH. He is HGH.
+ Amy Winehouse is addicted to Tyler Hansbrough.
+ Brett Favre has a Tyler Hansbrough poster on his bedroom wall.
+ Tyler Hansbrough’s toenail clippings are for sale on the Chinese black market.
+ Superman wears Tyler Hansbrough pajamas.

We would like to add:
+ When someone asked Tyler Hansbrough if he was afraid of Kevin Love, he replied "What does 'afraid' mean?"
+ If Tyler Hansbrough had been a Spartan the movie would have been called "1".
+ On Tyler Hansbrough's Tax Returns, he has to claim the entire Tar Heel Nation as his dependents.
+ On the seventh day Tyler Hansbrough said, "I'll take it from here."
+ When life gave Tyler Hansbrough lemons, he used them to beat Duke. Tyler Hansbrough freaking hates lemonade.


Tyler Hansbrough had a very busy Friday morning on the biggest weekend of his young basketball career.

The North Carolina junior forward was selected The Associated Press' college basketball player of the year, an honor that came less than an hour after he was presented the Oscar Robertson Trophy by the U.S. Basketball Writers Association as their player of the year.

The ceremonies were a couple of blocks apart, and the 6-foot-9 Hansbrough, his coach and parents made the short walk.

"I know people don't believe this stuff, but he's just a kid, a regular kid," Tar Heels coach Roy

Williams said when the group arrived for the AP's presentation. "We're walking over for him to get another player of the year award and practice for the Final Four is in less than an hour. I tell him that it's going to be close for him to change clothes and get ready when he just stopped and said 'What about eating?' He's doing all this and he's still just a kid, a great kid who happens to be a darn good basketball player."

Tyler Hansbrough #50 of the North Carolina Tar Heels shoots the ball during practice for the NCAA Men's Final Four at the Alamodome on April 4, 2008 in San Antonio, Texas. (Photo by Ronald Martinez/Getty Images)


Duke's DeMarcus Nelson scored 21 points to help the National team beat the American team 106-100 in the National Association of Basketball Coaches college All-Star game Friday.

Nelson finished 6-for-12 from the field to go with five rebounds in 26 minutes to earn MVP honors. Xavier's Josh Duncan added 16 points off the bench for the National team, while Vanderbilt's Shan Foster had 15 points with four 3-pointers.

Houston's Robert McKiver had 20 points and five 3s to lead the American team, which shot 41 percent. Georgia's Sundiata Gaines added 18 points and eight rebounds.

(AP Photo/Mark Humphrey)


The boys over at Bruin Roar had a little fun photoshopping Tyler in a post called "Hansbrough After Basketball."


FLASHBACK 1957...This is the team that vanquished Kansas and Wilt Chamberlain in triple OT.

We couldn't find a ticket from 1957, but this one from 1959 was pretty cool.



(All photos courtesy of Tar Heel Times)




FLASHBACK 2005...We're glad we didn't have to clean up the mess.


STYLIN…King Rice, Pete Chilcutt and Rick Fox.

(Photo courtesy of Tar Heel Times)

Friday, April 4, 2008


Backup point guard Andre Allen missed only two games the last three seasons for the Memphis Tigers. Now he might miss the two most important.

Allen was suspended for a violation coach John Calipari said he couldn’t reveal because of privacy rules. Allen did not travel to San Antonio for the Final Four, counting him out for the national semifinal against UCLA on Saturday and the title game Monday night should Memphis (37-1) get that far.

“Sometimes these guys do stupid things at inopportune times,” Calipari said. “He has.”

Rumor has it that Allen went to the gym following Memphis’ win over Texas and promptly made 100 free throws in a row. This incensed Calipari, who has been insisting all year that inconsistent free throw shooting would ever catch up to his high octane team.

“I really had no choice,” said Calipari, “I love the kid, but rules is rules, and we actually have a couple.”

Allen scored only one basket the last five games and averaged just 3.3 points, 2.1 assists and 1.2 rebounds over 14.1 minutes per game this season. So his absence is likely to affect intangibles more than Xs and Os.
(Photo by Andy Lyons/Getty Images)

* items in italics may not be true. Take that, Mr. Duke Illustrated Blacklist Committee members!


Amazingly, some 36 hours before the most important college basketball game nobody from the Tar Heels, Bruins or Jayhawks did anything stupid enough to get them tossed off the squad.

This includes UNC’s three-time All-American, and (according to Wikipedia) Naismith Award winner Tyler Hansbrough who went to practice and played ping pong with injured point guard Bobby Frasor. Bruin superfrosh Kevin Love sat by the pool and listened to his uncle’s old band, The Beach Boys; and Kansas’ leading scorer Brandon Rush just hung around in Kansas doing…well…whatever it is they do out in Kansas.

(However, while the crack research staff at T.A.H. couldn’t turn up any chicanery/tom foolery by the other three Final Four participants, they did manage to find [to the delight of our Hokie friends] this picture of Kansas’ football coach Mark Mangino’s underwear.)

All three coaches agreed that the the lack of inappropriate behavior and/or comments that led to no suspensions would not be a distraction for any of the teams.

* items in italics may not be true. YEAH! Mr. Duke Illustrated Blacklist Committee members, how about them apples?!?!


Well, Ohio State can’t win the BCS Championship or the NCAA Division 1 Men’s Basketball National Championship, but they can beat UMass to win the NIT 92-85.

A year removed from a loss in the national championship game, the Buckeyes have a trophy to carry home—even if it’s not the one they had wanted.

Jamar Butler had 19 points and eight assists in his final college game, which culminated with the kind of raucous victory celebration inside Madison Square Garden that he couldn’t have last year in Atlanta.

The Buckeyes lost to Florida in the Final Four, and a snub by the NCAA selection committee kept them from playing for another trip there. They rebounded to dominate each of their four opponents on the way to New York, then had enough to withstand every UMass run.

“This is what happens when you put an NCAA tournament team in the NIT,” Butler yelled, surrounded by his teamates Thursday night. “Write that down and send that to the committee.”

Blah, blah, blah...

Ohio State's Kosta Koufos holds up the most outstanding player award after Ohio State beat Massachusetts 92-85 in the final of the NIT basketball tournament at Madison Square Garden in New York, Thursday, April 3, 2008. Koufos scored 23 points. (AP Photo/Henny Ray Abrams)


Oh well, it was fun while it lasted.

Jesus Colome walked Jayson Werth to force in Jimmy Rollins with the winning run in the bottom of the 10th inning, giving the Phillies an 8-7 victory over the Washington Nationals on Thursday.


Washington Nationals closing pitcher Jesus Colome walks off the field after walking in Philadelphia Phillies' Jimmy Rollins for the game-winning run in the 10th inning of a baseball game Thursday, April 3, 2008, in Philadelphia. (AP Photo/Tom Mihalek)


SO LONG...Kentucky basketball manager Bill Keightley, who was with the Wildcats for 48 seasons, died Monday in Cincinnati of internal bleeding caused by a previously undiagnosed tumor on his spine. He was 81.

Keightley's tenure reached back to the Adolph Rupp era and continued through Joe B. Hall, Eddie Sutton, Rick Pitino, Tubby Smith and current Kentucky coach Billy Gillispie.

Louisville coach, and former Kentucky coach Rick Pitino pauses while speaking at a memorial service.

The seat which was occupied for many years by former Kentucky basketball equipment manager Bill Keightley is adorned with a blue ribbon prior to a memorial service for him in Lexington, Ky., Thursday, April 3, 2008.

(AP Photos/Ed Reinke)


THROW BACK...In honor of the old days when the newly arrived Brooklyn Dodgers played in the L.A. Coliseum, the Red Sox and Dodgers played an exhibition game there last week.

Note the short left field line (210 feet) and the 60 foot screen that serves to lengthen the field. Also of note is the fact that the odd configuration makes a left fielder a moot point, and allows the teams to use five infielders.

(Photo by Lisa Blumenfeld/Getty Images)


AIR POLLUTION...? Remember how the incredibly trustworthy Chinese government promised to fix the air pollution problem in Beijing (solutions included exploding bombs in outer space to make it rain more!) before the start of the Summer Olympics in August?

They lied.

(Photo by China Photos/Getty Images)

(T.A.H. is now banned from China. Damn.)


YOU KNOW YOU ARE IN BAHRAIN...When you get to the press conference and some dude hands you a falcon.

BMW Sauber Formula One driver Nick Heidfeld of Germany, left, gets the falcon Shaen from his owner Mahmood Al Wazzan on his arm. Heidfeld poses with this traditional falconeer after he arrived for the upcoming Formula One Grand Prix of Bahrain in Manama, Bahrain, Thursday, April 3, 2008.

Williams' Japanese driver Kazuki Nakajima drives at the Sakhir racetrack, on April 04, 2008 in Manama, during the first practice session of the Bahrain Formula One Grand Prix.

(Photos by AP Photo/Frank Augstein and Karim Jaafar/AFP/Getty Images)


HEY, IT'S BAD SOCCER UNI FRIDAY...You know the one thing we demand from our crack T.A.H. research staff is that they pour over every soccer photo everyday. That's no small task since there are about 9,000 soccer matches occurring at any given time all over the world AND in outer space.

Here's the result of all of this weeks' hard work...Cervantes of America's Mexico!
How about having BIMBO splashed across your giant banana-looking uni. And, while we're at it, why not compliment the Bimbo uni with some white shoes (boots, for you soccer fans).

All the action took place against River Plate´s Argentina during their Copa Libertadores tournament football match in Mexico City on April 02, 2008.

(Photos by Alfredo Estrella/AFP/Getty Images)

Thursday, April 3, 2008

NO. 1 VS. NO 1

The folks at SI have pointed out that since the NCAA started seeding tournaments, five national title games have ended with a No. 1 facing a No. 1. This year will be No. 6 given that all four No. 1s advanced to the final weekend for the first time in tournament history. The ACC has been involved in five of the six No. 1 vs. No. 1 showdowns.

Let’s start with His Airness.

With a cast chock full of future NBA legends, the Tar Heels won their second NCAA title (Dean Smith's first) and handed Patrick Ewing and the Hoyas a heart-wrenching loss. Michael Jordan hit the game-winning jumper with just 17 seconds remaining.

Georgetown tried to get a shot off in the final second, but a botched play (the infamous Fred Brown errant pass) ultimately put James Worthy on the foul line with no timeouts remaining for the Hoyas. Worthy missed his shots, but the game was over.
(Check out the short shorts…)

Unfortunately for Chris Webber, this game would make him famous for all the wrong reasons. After an 8-0 run by the Tar Heels, Michigan climbed back within two with 20 seconds left.

Webber snagged a rebound, but was forced to take the ball upcourt as his ball handlers were already on the go. With UNC traps awaiting him, the confused Webber made the mistake he'll never forget: he called a timeout with zero remaining for the Wolverines. Technical foul. UNC wins.

What is frequently overlooked is the simple fact that the Heels were WINNING when this happened. It has been played up historically as if the Michigan were tied or winning when Webber’s gaff cost them the game. Not so.

Duke head coach Mike Krzybnm4ski considered his '99 squad one of the best ever. But they couldn't handle the theatrics of Richard "Rip" Hamilton, the Huskies' wiry forward who scored a game-high 27 points in UConn’s victory.

Finally, in just his second year as Tar Heels coach, Roy Williams (then touted as the best coach not to have won a National Championship) turned a losing team two years prior into national champions. The Illini rallied back from a 10-point deficit with nine minutes remaining, but they couldn't withstand the Heels persistence, or Sean May.

The UNC star scored 26 points and recorded 10 rebounds for Most Outstanding Player honors. Shortly thereafter, May and teammates Raymond Felton, Marvin Williams and Rashad McCants were scooped up in the NBA draft.

(Photos by David E. Klutho/Sports Illustrated, Heinz Kluetmeier/Sports Illustrated, AP, John W. McDounough/Sports Illustrated)


Andy Glockner over at ESPN has pointed out some intersting info:

1) UNC finished first in the country in adjusted offensive efficiency. The past three national champs (Florida, Florida, UNC) finished either first or second in that category.

2) The Heels finished 121st in 2-point FG percentage defense, which is the worst mark of any team in the past five Final Fours.

3) Carolina has scored at least 1.2 points per possession in four of its past seven games, which is incredibly good in league tournament and NCAA tournament play (even with Mount St. Mary's thrown in).

(Photo by Streeter Lecka/Getty Images)


D.J. Augustin of Texas, Michael Beasley of Kansas State, Stephen Curry of Davidson, Tyler Hansbrough of North Carolina and UCLA's Kevin Love are finalists for the John R. Wooden Award, given to college basketball's top player.

Those five were named to the Wooden All-America team announced Tuesday. Joining them are Memphis teammates Derrick Rose and Chris Douglas-Roberts, Brandon Rush of Kansas, Luke Harangody of Notre Dame and Tennessee's Chris Lofton, the only senior on the team.

Hansbrough, a junior, and Love, a freshman, will play in this weekend's Final Four in San Antonio, Texas.

Curry, a sophomore guard, was the nation's fourth-leading scorer at 25.9 points and helped Davidson to the Elite Eight as a No. 10 seed.

Augustin, a sophomore guard, helped Texas reach the final eight of the NCAA tournament. He averaged 19.2 points and 5.7 assists. Beasley, a freshman forward, averaged 26.2 points and was the nation's leading rebounder with 12.4 per game.

More than 1,000 national media and college basketball experts had until Monday to cast votes based on players' regular and postseason performances, character and academic performance.

The award will be presented April 11 in Los Angeles.

(AP Photo/Chris Carlson, File)


Tim Redding took a one-hitter into the eighth inning and Ryan Zimmerman hit a solo homer to help the Washington Nationals stay unbeaten with a 1-0 victory over the Philadelphia Phillies on Wednesday night.

Redding allowed just a single by Pedro Feliz in the second inning and walked three batters in seven innings. He retired 14 straight batters after Feliz grounded a single to center. He walked Ryan Howard in the seventh and left after walking Geoff Jenkins to start the bottom of the eighth.

The Nationals are 3-0 for the first time since 2003, when they were the Montreal Expos.

Washington Nationals starting pitcher Tim Redding throws in the first inning of a baseball game with the Philadelphia Phillies, Wednesday, April 2, 2008, in Philadelphia. (AP Photo/Tom Mihalek)


A tennis tantrum by Russian Mikhail Youzhny left him bloodied but made him a YouTube celebrity.

Ain't America great?

When Youzhny hit a backhand into the net during his third-round match Monday at the Sony Ericsson Open, he angrily whacked himself in the head three times with his racket strings. The forehand to the forehead sent a thick stream of blood running from above his hairline down his nose nearly to his mouth.

He's just an excitable boy...

By Wednesday afternoon, video of the tantrum had drawn more than a half million hits on YouTube.

"I saw that," said James Blake, who lost in the quarterfinals Wednesday. "That was pretty funny -- not for Mikhail, I'm sure.

"Mardy Fish does that. He punches the strings and ends up bleeding on his knuckles. I did that as a kid and I kind of stopped doing that. It doesn't make a whole lot of sense."

The fact that the commentators do everything but call him a moron makes the clip.

(Photo by Hassan Ammar/AFP/Getty Images)


RAISE YOUR HAND...if you want a free ticket, a bus ride to the game, a free hotel room for two nights and you thought Davidson would be an Elite Eight team this year.

(Photo by Gregory Shamus/Getty Images and John Biever/Sports Illustrated)


“YEZ, I WILL SIGN ZEE GIANT TENNIS BALL…For I am a Francifier, and when I am finish, I will write zee limerick about doctor. OK, too, you make Florida Gator-man go away, he scares me little bit.”

Paul-Henri Mathieu of France signs autographs for fans during day eight of the Sony Ericsson Open at the Crandon Park Tennis Center in Key Biscayne, Florida.

(Photo by Matthew Stockman/Getty Images)


ELVIS AND HIS SISTER ARE IN THE BUILDING...Elvis and his sister were on hand at the Elite Eight to root on Memphis. Will the King and his kin make it to San Antonio?

The guy in the tie-dye shirt on the phone is their agent.

(Photo by Thomas B. Shea/Icon SMI)


FUTURE HILLTOPPER...A future member of Western Kentucky's basketball squad introduces himself to the world.

(Photo by John W. McDonough/Sports Illustrated)


THE FASHION SENSE…of these two and coach Bruce Pearl explain exactly why Tennessee didn’t get past Louisville in the Sweet 16.

(Photo by Bob Rosato/Sports Illustrated)


DOWN TO ONE...UNC is the only ACC school remaining in a post-season tournament.

North Carolina State's Khadijah Whittington, right, and Tia Bell head off the court following Michigan State's 58-57 win in a semifinal basketball game of the Women's NIT on Wednesday, April 2, 2008, in East Lansing, Mich. The Lady Wolfpack had previously beaten South Carolina, Florida and St. John’s.

(AP Photo/Al Goldis)

Wednesday, April 2, 2008


NEWS FLASH: TAH has been “blacklisted” from Devils Illustrated and its message boards.

We typically throw up a post on various message boards to alert fans of the teams in question about important info that can be found on TAH.

Evidently, Devils Illustrated (the Duke site) doesn’t have a very good sense of humor.
Here’s what they said:

The userid currently logged in has been blacklisted from this message board due to a violation of the board's basic rules. Please note that repeated violations of this board's rules have resulted in this blacklisting.

Examples of the rules are:

1. No profanity, racist or sexist comments. This includes using abbreviations or changing one letter of a swear word such that the word(s) are still interpreted by most as profane. (Now, the posts don’t include any profanity, but occasionally a TAH article might…that’s a reach DI, you gotta do better.)

2. No pornographic or obscene material of any kind. Any user posting pornographic pictures, or links to such material will be blacklisted. This includes materials within a signature file or avatar. (Not guilty, we don't even know what an avatar is.)

3. No attacking other posters. Examples of such attacks: Bringing up their name in posts that they did not start or were not involved in, just to get a reaction from them. Consistently responding to their posts and responding with no merit other than to belittle them. (Not guilty.)

4. Do not post unsubstantiated rumors about players, coaches, etc. (Oops…OK, we do this ALL the time, but it’s satire…don’t’ they get it? Evidently, not.)

5. No repetitive negative posting. (To borrow from one of our favorite rapscallions, Bill Clinton, it depends of what the definition of 'repetitive' is [all the time? Guilty.] and 'negative' is [again, see above: satire.] Didn't they think the DUKE “UNOFFICIAL OFFICIAL” INJURY REPORT was funny? Who didn't think that was funny? OK, maybe Chainsaw and Grande Vino didn’t, but everybody else did including about 1,500 folks from UNC site…who, by the way, haven’t blacklisted TAH.)

6. No flaming: If a poster come onto the board with the intent only to flame, and continues to post nothing but flames or engages in no substantive discussion, the poster's posts will be deleted and the poster will be banned at the monitor's discretion. (TAH, flame? RIDICULOUS…What is wrong with these people? Didn’t they read the DUKE “UNOFFICIAL OFFICIAL” INJURY REPORT

7. No attacks on players or coaches. Personal attacks and insults, as opposed to criticism of gameplay will not be tolerated. (We don’t think poking fun at coaches and players qualifies as “attacks.” If Devils Illustrated does then they are both thin skinned and 100% wrong. There, that ought to get us tossed permanently.)

8. No attacking recruits: Just because a player may choose another school does not give you the right to blast them, in any circumstance. There will be zero tolerance on this issue. (One word: STUPID. Hey recruits, try avoiding this one word: ARRESTED. See below.)

9. No posting of commercial offers, competing websites or spamming of the board will be permitted. (We like to call it building readership…tomato, tomahto…)

10. No posting or distribution any material that infringes and/or violates any right of a third party or any law. Post will be deleted and member can be banned at the monitors discretion. This means no posting of premium information from other web sites. (Well at least they think our stuff is “premium,” so all is not lost.)

Duke Illustrated, you complete us.

Thanks so much.

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