Tuesday, November 11, 2008

BAD PHOTO COULD DERAIL FOREST GUMPIAN CAREER

Multi-sport star athlete and recent Top Gun recruit, Toly Hansbrough© was dealt a major setback to his incredible career plans when his 2008 C.M. Bradley first grade photo was leaked on the Internet.

To make a long story short, people laughed.

Well, some people. (Like his mom, dad and sister – they laughed like crazy.) Others immediately began to rethink their position on both Toly’s future NCAA and U.S. military fortunes.

As early as yesterday afternoon, Tog Gun recruiter Dirt Callaghan had issued a statement to the press saying, “We want him in the Navy, we want him at Top Gun, we want him puttin' US hardware on bad guys' foreheads. He's a national asset, and that kind of talent must be utilized just as soon as he's tall enough to see over the dashboard. I'm proud to say I'd be that kid's wingman anytime.”

Today, Callaghan’s rumored response to the leaked photo was something akin to, “No, effin’ way that dudes getting anywhere near my multi-billion dollar high performance aircraft. Did you check out that look on his face?”

Coach Roy Williams of the 2005 NCAA Division 1 Men’s Basketball National Championship University of North Carolina Tar Heels released a brief statement on TarHeelBlue.com saying, “I look at the real Tyler Hansbrough’s mug every day, so Toly will be fine. You can’t count on six-year-old boys when it comes to photo ops.”

Coach Butch Davis of the Tar Heels football team said, “Is he a kicker? In that picture, he looks like a kicker…Are we out of Barths? Do we need a kicker?”

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