Friday, October 24, 2008


Look, it’s not easy being legendary two-sport future superstar Toly Hansbrough© (seen here with his buddy B. “Snaggle Tooth” Pieja). The kid is under constant pressure, and his parents (future agents and dependents) are also under constant stress.

If it’s not media outlets like ESPN, Sports Illustrated or Nickelodeon Sports, its football and basketball coaches from across the country constantly writing, calling, emailing or sending gifts.

Here are the recent outgoing memos:

BUTCH DAVIS: Don’t worry, he isn’t going to Miami. Call our house one more time and he’s Roy’s and Roy’s exclusively. (Hey look, Roy sends his mom flowers once a week, and has been doing so since 2004. That’s hard to compete with).

COACH FRIDGE: Enough already with the pizza, cupcakes and fried turkeys. We don’t have the time, room or money to build another garage.

COACH AL “MUST GO” GROH: Thanks for the 36 grey UVA sweatshirts. Q: How many grey UVA sweatshirts is too many? A: All of them.

COACH T. BOWDEN: It’s OK coach you can stop calling, writing and emailing. You’re not the coach anymore. Give it a rest. He was never going to college in the “other” Carolina anyway.

COACH B. BOWDEN: I know you don’t recruit outside of Florida, but the Tolenator has a weak arm and he can’t catch worth a damn. In addition, he is occasionally a little loose with the facts with regard to his personal behavior and school work. Like Charlie Ward, he’s probably better at hoop than at football. So, he’s perfect, yes?

COACH CUTCLIFFE: Congrats on being improved, but the T-man isn’t going to Duke. No way, no how. The exact quote from his mother goes like this “Over my dead body...Duke $%&s!...Coach K is an #$% $*&%...etc., etc. You get the point.

COACH BEAMER: Yep, he’s your type. Tough as nails. But you have already sent him enough VA Tech lunch pails to last a lifetime, and his mom won’t let him wear maroon and orange at the same time. Come to think of it, she won’t let him wear maroon at all. Sorry.

Here is some rare secret footage captured via spy cam at a recent FYF Colts' practice. Toly is in a plain white jersey and blue pants behind the soccer net -he's behind the kid in the purple jersey.

Go ahead, forward this to Georgia Tech, N.C. State and Wake Forest, it won’t matter.

(Be sure to turn up the sound, the final unidentified comment is priceless.)

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