Monday, July 28, 2008

THE GAME OF FOOTBALL SCREWS DUKE...AGAIN

Once again, football ineptitude is at the center of a controversy at Duke University.

Some would tell you it’s about golf and other related issues, but TAH’s crack team of investigators have discovered the real reason for the rift, and now lawsuit that generated 545 news story on Google early this a.m.
Truth be known, the elusive pigskin, and how the game is both perceived and played at the Durham-based relocation camp for displaced New Jersey/New York Ivy League Wannabes, has yet again bitten all non-Krzxncbvhgds2ki related parties square in the tookus.

Evidently, former New York mayor and really horrible Republican presidential candidate Rudy Giuliani’s son, Andrew, has been kicked off the Duke University golf team and is suing to get back on. The 22-year-old aspiring pro golfer claims in a federal suit that Duke’s new golf coach trumped up a series of allegations to force him out and turn his classmates against him.

Andrew recently hooked up on the links with Tiger Woods where the Stanford loyalist said, “They aren’t the Stanford of the South, I don’t care what they say. You should sue the bastards. Oh, and you might want to rotate your right hand around the shaft about 25/57ths of an inch.” (Editor’s note: If you look closely at this photo, you might surmise that Duke has ditched young Giuliani for the simple reason that he looks way too much like Super Nerd Ron Howard.)

“I want to make sure this doesn’t happen to anyone else at Duke,” young Andrew reportedly said in a press release that thanked his mother and step dad but not his father. His mother, Donna Hanover, reportedly called the incident “heartbreaking.”

Andrew Giuliani was recruited to Duke by former coach Rod Myers, who died last year. UCLA’s Daniel “O.D.” Vincent III was brought in to replace Myers, and Giuliani contends he was on a mission to shrink the size of the team. (Editors note: We aren’t sure, but we think O.D. in Coach Vincent’s name stands for “Obviously a Democrat.”)

Duke’s coach says he tossed A.G. off the squad for a number of “violations” of team rules such as driving too fast out of a parking lot, breaking a driver and getting into a confrontation with a teammate. (Editor’s note: Oh the humanity!!!!) The Giuliani camp claims these issues are fabricated, but lucky for you, loyal reader, TAH has discovered the real reason for the valid/invalid dismissal.

In the complaint, Guiliani’s legal beagles site a number of bogus reasons for the dismissal, but this is the one that caught our great big cycloptic eye:

On Feb. 4, during a golf-team football game, “Andrew played harder than some of the other boys wanted to play.”

Note the key word “boys.” Good one, huh?

So that explains it, Giuliani, who is from a football state and, no doubt, a fan of the 2008 Super Bowl Champion New York Giants, put the wood to some pansy-ass Duke golfers in a football game. We guess the “boys” didn’t really want to play football to begin with, and, God forbid, anybody who represents Duke Athletics should know better than to play hard at the blasphemous game of football.

To make matters worse, (like that could be possible) then Coach Vincent allegedly told Giuliani the suspension would be lifted only if all 12 of his teammates lobbied for him - a scheme the suit likened to “Lord of the Flies.”

TOP PHOTO: Andrew Giuliani speaks with Tiger Woods at the Westchester Country Club during the 2001 Buick Classic. Woods played with Andrew during the Pro-Am tournament. (AP Photo/Kathy Willens)

Rudolph Giuliani, center, and children Caroline, left, and Andrew, at Gracie Mansion for Giuliani’s wedding, May 24, 2003. Funny, in this photo they don't appear to hate their father. (AP Photo/Diane Bondareff)

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