Sunday, February 3, 2008

THERE WILL BE A MESS OF HURT

OK, with help from the boys over at SI, we are gonna start the casting calls for the sure-to-be Hollywood blockbuster which dramatizes the Pats perfect season. Our working title is 19-0: THERE WILL BE A MESS OF HURT.

This is not to be confused with There Will Be Blood (158 minutes), a long, bloody, rambling myopic about a power mongering, seemingly crazy man starring Daniel Day Lewis who evidently is even better than he was in the long, bloody, rambling myopic about a power mongering seemingly crazy man in The Last Gangs of New York (167 minutes). Actually, the word “last” wasn’t really in the title, we just thought if we threw that in nobody would ever make The Gangs of New York 2: Snap out of it, Leonardo DiCaprio Lives!


The critics love There Will Be Blood ‘cause it stars Daniel Day Lewis, and it has a weird score done by Radiohead.

So, were gonna get Oasis back together to score the movie. And it’s gonna be weird ‘cause the only instruments we are going to let them use are those items commonly found in an auto repair shop and a beauty parlor, and ‘cause the Gallagher brothers hate each others guts.

So they are sure to be making some weird sounds whenever they aren’t beating the crap out of one another, and they will probably be making weird sounds then too. (Oh, the critics are just gonna love this!)

Now, let’s talk cast…You want ensemble? We, and the boys from SI, give you an ensemble to top any and all ensembles:

ABOVE: Haley Joel Osment as Eli Manning and Fab from Milli Vanilli as Laurence Maroney.


Lawrence Fishburne as Michael Strahan.











James Cromwell as Tom Coughlin.













Tom Brady as, duh,Tom Brady.












Bill Lumbergh as Bill Belichick.





Ned Beatty as Robert Kraft.


...and



Daniel Day Lewis as Randy Moss.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Blog Archive