Sunday, February 24, 2008

FLOPS: IT’S BEEN AROUND FOREVER, IT’S JUST GONE UNREPORTED

Officials from the Duke University Medical Center contacted TAH last week after we suggested that they believed point guard Greg “Raggedy Andy” Paulus was suffering from “Flops.”

"…Paulus has been nursing a bad case of vertigo which causes him to fall on the floor with arms flailing every time he sees the colors Carolina blue, red, green, gold, scarlet, maroon or orange. Again, the Duke Medical Center has stepped in and named the condition “Flops.” Officials there state emphatically that they invented the term…"

The docs at Duke just wanted to weigh-in and remind us that Duke Med is better than UNC Med, and to point out what incredible work they have done in the field of Flops in spite of a noticeable lack of cooperation from Blue Devil head hoop coach Coach Mike Krzyhgbxc6ski.

“Coach K has never allowed us to conduct any tests inside Cameron,” an anonymous Duke Med source said. “We are convinced that Flops is an environmental condition and our hypothesis points clearly to Coach K and Coach K court.

The anonymous source went on to say, “This has been going on for a long time. In our research over the past 25 years, we can’t find one basketball season when at least two of Coach K’s guys weren’t obviously suffering from Flops.”

“It’s a public health hazard, and it needs to be addressed. Consider poor Paulus, the refs told him to stop flopping a few games ago, but he can’t…It’s a DISEASE, man! He’s powerless to control it! We’re working on a 12 step program as we speak.”

The source concluded with, “Yes, it is slightly contagious and it’s possible that Tyler Hansbrough caught a mild case of it from Paulus when the two played paddy cake during their meeting earlier this month.”

(Kevin C. Cox/Getty Images)

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