Thursday, January 31, 2008

COME IN, ONE ADAM 12: CRAZY PERSON NEEDS ESCORT

Troubled pop icon, LSU and New Orleans Saints’ fan Britney Spears was rushed to the hospital in an ambulance early Thursday for the second time this month for a mental health evaluation. (Is "Michael Jackson Crazy" a medical term? If not ,"Crazy As A Bayou Shithouse Rat" ought to cover it.)

"I'm just pissed that Tom Brady and Claxico Buress are gettin' more ink," the trouble star shouted from the gurney.

Spears was whisked to the UCLA Medical Center at about 1:30 am (0930 GMT) and was to be placed on a 5150 hold, the 72-hour confinement of a person deemed a danger to themselves or others. (Here at TAH we call that “suicide watch.”) (Here at TAH we also say JUMP, JUMP, JUMP and let’s get this over with.)

(By the way in California, a 5140 means you are mostly normal although suffering from a sub-par gene pool.)

A psychiatrist treating the singer contacted Los Angeles police and set the events in motion.

Dozens of police officers on motorcycles in a motorcade the L.A. Times described as “the length of a football field” escorted the ambulance carrying the 26-year-old singer/sports fan and a police helicopter hovered overhead.

As Kieth Jackson always said so eloquently, WHOA!! NELLIE!!!

A motorcade the length of a football field?

They take her to the hospital on nut job alert and she has a police motorcade?

Are you kidding?

Man, California, snap out of it.

Only on the left coast would Brittney’s psychiatrist’s press agent call the media while Britney’s psychiatrist called the cops. And, yes, you better believe Brittney’s shrink has a PR man/woman…It’s Hollywood, baby! The shrink's valet parkers have PR people!

Were Brit to be chillin’ and hangin’ in some civilized place like New York City, she would have gone unescorted (save for the much smaller media hoard stalking her) in a taxi cab.

In D.C., she would have taken the Metro to bypass the whole "the-Patriots-are-gonna-lose-a-game-before-you-figure-out-which-zone-the-damn-hospital-is-in-oh-you-don’t-speak-any-english-oh-crap-I’ll-just-sit-here-and-go-bonkers-thanks-for-nothing" situation.

But, a big police escort with us common folk footin’ the bill?

Now that’s all 5150, as they say in California.

Here at TAH, we just call it “messed up.”

When contacted for a comment, LSU coach Les Miles said, "YAAHHHHOOOO!"

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