Saturday, March 10, 2007

CINDARELLA"S PUMPKIN TURNS RED

It turns out that the St. Pete Times Forum is 868 miles from the $130 million John Paul Jones Arena, and that distance turned out to be too much for the humidity sensitive Wahoos to overcome. Worse yet, Tampa is a mere 1,232 miles (1,983 km) (1,071 nautical miles) from the feared and loathed Commonwealth of Puerto Rico. As a result, all the higher seeds won yesterday except the Cavs who continue their ill-timed late season swoon losing their third of four season ending games. Worse yet, the losses have been at the hands of the last place Criminalcanes, the next to last place Demon Deacons and now the third to last Wolfpack.

Rumor has it that the ACC is considering revising head coach Dave "Trampled Under Foot" Leitao's Coach of the Year award to Coach of January and The First Three Weeks of February award. On the plus side, the Cavs were honored with the TAH Hand Soap Dispenser Award for making a big mess of the bracket. The banner hanging ceremony will be held next season during halftime of the Sisters of the Poor State - Galax game.

Gavin "Please No, Not Another Romantic Comedy Starring Hugh" Grant scored nine of his 20 points in the final two minutes and NC State rallied from a 14-point halftime deficit to pull off its second straight upset, a 79-71 victory over No. 24 UVa on Friday night.

"We are extremely disappointed," said Rex Grossman, the newly hired Director of Tourism/Hotel and Restaurant Division for the Tampa/St. Pete area. "Our restaurants and bars really stocked up on tons of Zima. What are they gonna do with all that crap now?"

Thursday, March 8, 2007

DUKE GOLFER WON’T CAMPAIGN FOR FATHER

Andrew Giuliani, a sophomore at Duke and a member of the golf team, will not be participating in any of his famous father’s presidential campaign events. Andrew Giuliani says he has no interest in helping his father, Rudy, get elected. The younger Giuliani claims it his devotion to becoming a professional golfer within three years that allows no time for distraction. However, in an interview with the New York Times, Andrew made clear that it's his relationship with his father's new wife that’s causing the friction. "There's obviously a little problem that exists between me and his wife," the younger Giuliani said. "And we're trying to figure that out. But as of right now it's not working as well as we would like." To try and resolve things, Andrew says he’s invited his new step mom down to Duke for a little game of one-on-one hoop Henderson style. “I figure she’s one hard/unintentional/combative foul away from seeing things my way,” said Giuliani.

In a statement to ABC News' "Good Morning America," Andrew Giuliani said: "I got my values from my mother. She's a strong influence in my life. She's a strong woman. I have problems with my father, but that doesn't mean he won't make a good president." (actual quote)

“If Henderson treatment doesn’t work on my step-mom,” he continued, “the lacrosse guys have agreed to host a fundraiser my old man.”

Wednesday, March 7, 2007

DUKE GRADS INFILTRATE STATE NEWSPAPERS’ SPORTS’ DEPARTMENTS

How else can one explain Josh “Irish Julia” McRoberts getting seven votes for Defensive Player of the Year after UNC’s Tyler Hansbrough, FSU's Al Thorton, Virginia Tech's Deron Washington and BC’s Jared Dudley ran roughshod over the Blue Devil sophomore all year? Two of those votes, no doubt, came from the Durham Herald-Sun and the Durham Independent, but from where in the world did the other five come? Rumor has it that the Sylva Herald & Ruralite, The Yadkin Ripple, the Smoky(ing?) Mountain News, the Lumberton Robesonian and the Fuquay-Varina Independent cast the other deciding votes. All employ Duke grads in their Sports Departments. McRoberts was the only Duke player tapped in any of the year-end categories save one: Weirdest Crazy Faces of the Year: John Scheyer – Duke (106). No second. No third.

(The voting for the 2007 All-Atlantic Coast Conference teams, as done by 106 members of the Atlantic Coast Sports Media Association, with first-team votes in parentheses and total points. I know it’s almost impossible to believe, but TAH is not a member of the ACSMA. Losers.)


COACH OF THE YEAR: Dave Leitao - UVA (64), Gary Williams - MD (19), Seth Greenberg - VT (15). Leitao is the first Virginia coach to win the award in 25 years.


PLAYER OF THE YEAR: Jared Dudley, BC (45), Al Thorton – FSU (30), Tyler Hansbrough UNC (18), Sean Singletary (12), Tyler Hansbrough’s Nose – UNC (1). Thorton is the first BC player to win the award. We would have voted for Singletary based on "most valuable to his team's success."


DEFENSIVE PLAYER OF THE YEAR: Jamon Gordon – VT (54), Zabian Dowdell – VT (12), D.J. Strawberry (12), Ekene Ibekwe - MD (8), Josh Mc Roberts – Duke (7). Note that the ACC officials felt compelled to list 5 players in this category and only four in all the others and the 5th player was from Duke. Curious, no?

FRESHMAN OF THE YEAR: Brandon Wright – UNC (49), Javaris Crittenton – GT (27), Brandon Costner – NCSU (23). This is the third straight year a Tar Heel frosh has won the award. Wright follows Hansbrough and Marvin Williams.


ALL-ACC TEAMS

FIRST TEAM
JARED DUDLEY, Boston College (106), 318*
TYLER HANSBROUGH, North Carolina (106), 318*
AL THORNTON, Florida State (106), 318*
SEAN SINGLETARY, Virginia (100), 312
ZABIAN DOWDELL, Virginia Tech (90), 302
*unanimous

SECOND TEAM
J.R. REYNOLDS, Virginia (20), 232
D.J. STRAWBERRY, Maryland (2), 180
TYRESE RICE, Boston College, 177
JOSH McROBERTS, Duke, 159
BRANDAN WRIGHT, North Carolina, 150

THIRD TEAM
KYLE VISSER, Wake Forest, 120
JAVARIS CRITTENTON, Georgia Tech, 104
BRANDON COSTNER, N.C. State, 94
JAMON GORDON, Virginia Tech, 61
JACK McCLINTON, Miami, 48

HONORABLE MENTION
BEN McCAULEY, N.C. State, 36
JAMES MAYS, Clemson, 34
DEMARCUS NELSON, Duke, 34
JAMES GIST, Maryland, 28
EKENE IBEKWE, Maryland, 21
TYLER HANSBROUGH’S NOSE, UNC, 1




Tuesday, March 6, 2007

OUCH! I'VE GOT BLOOD ON MY HAN(D)SBROUGH AND IT'S COMING FROM MY NOSE! PART 2

HANSBROUGH UPDATE: First of all here’s the TAH take: Henderson, frustrated by a frustrating game at the end of a frustrating season, intended a hard foul. Here at TAH, we don’t think he “intended” to hit him in the face. The fact that he is turning away and his eyes are closed at impact seem to support this position. The fact that his muscles are tense enough for bullets to bounce off would indicate he was gonna fly in there pretty hard. Yes, during the game, we were influenced by Billy Packer, and we now find his comments ridiculous. Yes, we think the refs handled it well and the suspension is fair. We’ve played lots of basketball and trying hit a guys nose with your elbow is a longshot at best. Simply put – hard foul leading with forearm, things went badly awry, intentional foul. Game over.

The conspiracy folks want to say Coach Krzchvkbhsh5ski had a hand in this. We don’t believe K’s program promotes dirty play or hard fouls. We believe Coach K’s program teaches kids to push off every time they try to dribble past an opponent and to fake the charge (the flop) whenever possible (but, if you read TAH, you already knew that). We also are convinced that the program takes high school All-Americans and molds them into players who can a) win the ACC tourney (no small feat), b) make a pretty good run (sometimes all the way to the Championship) in the NCAA tourney (no small feat) and c) who, with a few exceptions, flame out and play like crap in the NBA. That’s what the program does and good for it. Otherwise, there wouldn’t be a rivalry. Is there a Clemson/UNC rivalry? No, cause Clemson hardly ever beats the Heels. At home, make that never. Get the point?

Duke kids aren’t taught to play dirty. When you are that good for that long, you simply have no reason to go down that road. So, let the conspiracy stuff go. Watch the other rivalry games, emotions are high and there is plenty of banging a slapping. That’s why it’s fun. Sometimes they spill over and that doesn’t require any input from the coaches beyond the usual mind games and yelling and screaming they already doll out to their players. These kids are hard-wired by years of competition and the history of the rivalry to react that way in what is, in reality, a very intense environment. And that's why we're watching. Intensity. If the players went out there and patted each other on the butt, smiled and made nice and then went through the motions of high level basketball – presto chango – it’s an NBA game! Thank you, no.

RELATED ITEMS: The Dukies say Hansbrough shouldn’t have been in the game or gone up for the shot. They are wrong on both counts. McRoberts had been in the game only 3.5 seconds earlier and he only left because he fouled out. Paulus too was around near the end and left only after his 5th foul. Williams was trying to get seniors in and out so they could be acknowledged by the crowd. Hansbrough’s replacement was at the scorer’s table. In case you didn’t know it these coach’s have a “I’m leaving my starters on the floor until you pull yours” mentality. In a perfect world, K and Roy would meet at half court and agree to pull their starters at garbage time, but that wouldn’t make for much of a blood producing red hot rivalry – the best in college basketball – now would it?

Should Hansbrough have followed up his miss and attempted to score with a double digit lead in the waning moments? That one’s a bit more complicated, but to complaining Dukies, we say yes. Of course, he could have tossed it out to Biscuit Burke, but that ain’t how the boy is programmed. What makes him good is his desire and his fundamentals. My guess is it’s hard to hit that on/off switch in the heat of battle no matter score or time remaining. Don’t forget Coach Krzyscjvhgfn2ski was still calling time outs after each made Duke basket which helped create an illusion that the game is still within reach.

OTHER ITEMS: Hansbrough suffered what coach Roy Williams said Monday was a small nondisplaced fracture. Williams said Hansbrough is being fitted with a custom-made protective mask and should be ready for North Carolina's first tournament game Friday. However, according to UNC, a final decision on whether or not Hansbrough wears a mask has not been determined. Originally, Williams told the media the now quite famous snoz was not broken, but he later had to retract that. "I gave some bad information because I had a bad source ... the source was Tyler," Immediately after the game, Hansbrough told the coach it wasn’t broken and he was OK. Anybody surprised by that?

Of interest, here is how Duke Sports Information breakdown at GoDuke.com recaps the final moments of the game. There is no mention of the foul on Hansbrough or even that Henderson was ejected. Instead, the whole affair is glazed over it with this: “The two teams played evenly the rest of the way as the Blue Devils played hard to the final buzzer.” Hmmm. For example, according to Criminal U: “Miami played Florida International last night and the Hurricanes won. Nothing else of interest transpired.” Unbelievable.

Finally, this from our favorite UNC student – M.C.A. Tarheel (Class of ’10), she came across T-Hans on campus yesterday and according to her dad, MCA “told him how good a game he had and that she was sorry about what happened to him at the end of the game. He said he is over it now especially since we kicked their ass.” Oh, in case you weren’t sure her dad is a UNC grad as well.

All done with this now as we have to go poke fun at the Wahoos and the Hokies. Is it Thursday yet? – The Editor

Monday, March 5, 2007

OUCH, I’VE GOT BLOOD ON MY HANSBROUGH, AND IT’S COMING FROM MY NOSE!

CHAPEL HILL, NC - March 4, 2007 -Tyler Hansbrough scored 27 points and pulled down 17 rebounds before suffering an ugly injury in the closing seconds of No. 8 North Carolina's 86-72 victory over 14th-ranked Duke on Sunday. The victory clinched the top seed in the ACC tournament and disappointed desperate UVA fans across the region. The Tar Heels (25-6, 11-5) swept the regular-season series with the Blue Devils for the first time in 11 years, and gave Roy Williams his 100th victory at his alma mater.

It was a fairly routine game that saw UNC rebound and play defense with much needed intensity. It wasn’t until the last 14.5 seconds that it got interesting. Duke’s Gerald "The New Hollywood" Henderson decided to commit a hard foul on T-Hans whacking him in the nose. Hansbrough was still in the game shooting a free throw as his sub was waiting at the scorer’s table. Henderson was still in the game according to Krzydhfvbn4ski because when “their starters are still in, our starters are still in.” Pschyo T, as his teammates call him, missed the free throw, followed his shot and got his own rebound. On the put back, Henderson was clearly looking to give him a good whack, but probably not quite that good. The refs called a “combative flagrant” foul, ejected Henderson from the remainder of the game and for the opening game of the ACC Tournament. As Pat Forde said on Espn.com today “UNC got a bloody nose, and Duke got a black eye.” Hansbrough broke his nose and will have to play with the Richard Hamilton mask this weekend. Duke simply has to suffer some more embarrassment at the end of a long and bad (for them) season.


Coach Mike Krzcvhbjfls3ski blamed Christian Laettner for the incident. “Look, it’s late in a long, tiring, hard-fought game, and Gerald was so exhausted from absorbing all my leadership all season long that he thought Hansbrough was Laettner, and even our guys hate Christian.”

Duke head football coach Ted Roof called the foul “a clean hit” and then offered Henderson a spot on the football team saying he could “play both ways and special teams too if he wants.”

Virginia fans, who had the audacity to pull for Duke after failing to emerge victorious (CHOKING) against Wake on Saturday, blamed the Tar Heels eventual regular season championship and #1 seed on Dean Smith and every ref that worked every UNC v. UVA game from 1967 to 2006. Oh, and a couple of them blamed Othel Wilson and one guy blamed Terry Holland’s dog.


Hokie fans, stunned by their loss to Clemson, didn't know who to pull for or who to blame.

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