DUKE GRADS INFILTRATE STATE NEWSPAPERS’ SPORTS’ DEPARTMENTS

How else can one explain Josh “Irish Julia” McRoberts getting seven votes for Defensive Player of the Year after UNC’s Tyler Hansbrough, FSU's Al Thorton, Virginia Tech's Deron Washington and BC’s Jared Dudley ran roughshod over the Blue Devil sophomore all year? Two of those votes, no doubt, came from the Durham Herald-Sun and the Durham Independent, but from where in the world did the other five come? Rumor has it that the Sylva Herald & Ruralite, The Yadkin Ripple, the Smoky(ing?) Mountain News, the Lumberton Robesonian and the Fuquay-Varina Independent cast the other deciding votes. All employ Duke grads in their Sports Departments. McRoberts was the only Duke player tapped in any of the year-end categories save one: Weirdest Crazy Faces of the Year: John Scheyer – Duke (106). No second. No third.

(The voting for the 2007 All-Atlantic Coast Conference teams, as done by 106 members of the Atlantic Coast Sports Media Association, with first-team votes in parentheses and total points. I know it’s almost impossible to believe, but TAH is not a member of the ACSMA. Losers.)

COACH OF THE YEAR: Dave Leitao - UVA (64), Gary Williams - MD (19), Seth Greenberg - VT (15). Leitao is the first Virginia coach to win the award in 25 years.

PLAYER OF THE YEAR: Jared Dudley, BC (45), Al Thorton – FSU (30), Tyler Hansbrough UNC (18), Sean Singletary (12), Tyler Hansbrough’s Nose – UNC (1). Thorton is the first BC player to win the award. We would have voted for Singletary based on "most valuable to his team's success."

DEFENSIVE PLAYER OF THE YEAR: Jamon Gordon – VT (54), Zabian Dowdell – VT (12), D.J. Strawberry (12), Ekene Ibekwe - MD (8), Josh Mc Roberts – Duke (7). Note that the ACC officials felt compelled to list 5 players in this category and only four in all the others and the 5th player was from Duke. Curious, no?

FRESHMAN OF THE YEAR: Brandon Wright – UNC (49), Javaris Crittenton – GT (27), Brandon Costner – NCSU (23). This is the third straight year a Tar Heel frosh has won the award. Wright follows Hansbrough and Marvin Williams.

ALL-ACC TEAMS

FIRST TEAM
JARED DUDLEY, Boston College (106), 318*
TYLER HANSBROUGH, North Carolina (106), 318*
AL THORNTON, Florida State (106), 318*
SEAN SINGLETARY, Virginia (100), 312
ZABIAN DOWDELL, Virginia Tech (90), 302
*unanimous

SECOND TEAM
J.R. REYNOLDS, Virginia (20), 232
D.J. STRAWBERRY, Maryland (2), 180
TYRESE RICE, Boston College, 177
JOSH McROBERTS, Duke, 159
BRANDAN WRIGHT, North Carolina, 150

THIRD TEAM
KYLE VISSER, Wake Forest, 120
JAVARIS CRITTENTON, Georgia Tech, 104
BRANDON COSTNER, N.C. State, 94
JAMON GORDON, Virginia Tech, 61
JACK McCLINTON, Miami, 48

HONORABLE MENTION
BEN McCAULEY, N.C. State, 36
JAMES MAYS, Clemson, 34
DEMARCUS NELSON, Duke, 34
JAMES GIST, Maryland, 28
EKENE IBEKWE, Maryland, 21
TYLER HANSBROUGH’S NOSE, UNC, 1

OUCH! I'VE GOT BLOOD ON MY HANSBROUGH AND IT'S COMING FROM MY NOSE! PART 2

HANSBROUGH UPDATE: First of all here’s the TAH take: Henderson, frustrated by a frustrating game at the end of a frustrating season, intended a hard foul. Here at TAH, we don’t think he “intended” to hit him in the face. The fact that he is turning away and his eyes are closed at impact seem to support this position. The fact that his muscles are tense enough for bullets to bounce off would indicate he was gonna fly in there pretty hard. Yes, during the game, we were influenced by Billy Packer, and we now find his comments ridiculous. Yes, we think the refs handled it well and the suspension is fair. We’ve played lots of basketball and trying hit a guys nose with your elbow is a longshot at best. Simply put – hard foul leading with forearm, things went badly awry, intentional foul. Game over.

The conspiracy folks want to say Coach Krzchvkbhsh5ski had a hand in this. We don’t believe K’s program promotes dirty play or hard fouls. We believe Coach K’s program teaches kids to push off every time they try to dribble past an opponent and to fake the charge (the flop) whenever possible (but, if you read TAH, you already knew that). We also are convinced that the program takes high school All-Americans and molds them into players who can a) win the ACC tourney (no small feat), b) make a pretty good run (sometimes all the way to the Championship) in the NCAA tourney (no small feat) and c) who, with a few exceptions, flame out and play like crap in the NBA. That’s what the program does and good for it. Otherwise, there wouldn’t be a rivalry. Is there a Clemson/UNC rivalry? No, cause Clemson hardly ever beats the Heels. At home, make that never. Get the point?

Duke kids aren’t taught to play dirty. When you are that good for that long, you simply have no reason to go down that road. So, let the conspiracy stuff go. Watch the other rivalry games, emotions are high and there is plenty of banging a slapping. That’s why it’s fun. Sometimes they spill over and that doesn’t require any input from the coaches beyond the usual mind games and yelling and screaming they already doll out to their players. These kids are hard-wired by years of competition and the history of the rivalry to react that way in what is, in reality, a very intense environment. And that's why we're watching. Intensity. If the players went out there and patted each other on the butt, smiled and made nice and then went through the motions of high level basketball – presto chango – it’s an NBA game! Thank you, no.

RELATED ITEMS: The Dukies say Hansbrough shouldn’t have been in the game or gone up for the shot. They are wrong on both counts. McRoberts had been in the game only 3.5 seconds earlier and he only left because he fouled out. Paulus too was around near the end and left only after his 5th foul. Williams was trying to get seniors in and out so they could be acknowledged by the crowd. Hansbrough’s replacement was at the scorer’s table. In case you didn’t know it these coach’s have a “I’m leaving my starters on the floor until you pull yours” mentality. In a perfect world, K and Roy would meet at half court and agree to pull their starters at garbage time, but that wouldn’t make for much of a blood producing red hot rivalry – the best in college basketball – now would it?

Should Hansbrough have followed up his miss and attempted to score with a double digit lead in the waning moments? That one’s a bit more complicated, but to complaining Dukies, we say yes. Of course, he could have tossed it out to Biscuit Burke, but that ain’t how the boy is programmed. What makes him good is his desire and his fundamentals. My guess is it’s hard to hit that on/off switch in the heat of battle no matter score or time remaining. Don’t forget Coach Krzyscjvhgfn2ski was still calling time outs after each made Duke basket which helped create an illusion that the game is still within reach.

OTHER ITEMS: Hansbrough suffered what coach Roy Williams said Monday was a small nondisplaced fracture. Williams said Hansbrough is being fitted with a custom-made protective mask and should be ready for North Carolina's first tournament game Friday. However, according to UNC, a final decision on whether or not Hansbrough wears a mask has not been determined. Originally, Williams told the media the now quite famous snoz was not broken, but he later had to retract that. "I gave some bad information because I had a bad source ... the source was Tyler," Immediately after the game, Hansbrough told the coach it wasn’t broken and he was OK. Anybody surprised by that?

Of interest, here is how Duke Sports Information breakdown at GoDuke.com recaps the final moments of the game. There is no mention of the foul on Hansbrough or even that Henderson was ejected. Instead, the whole affair is glazed over it with this: “The two teams played evenly the rest of the way as the Blue Devils played hard to the final buzzer.” Hmmm. For example, according to Criminal U: “Miami played Florida International last night and the Hurricanes won. Nothing else of interest transpired.” Unbelievable.

Finally, this from our favorite UNC student – M.C.A. Tarheel (Class of ’10), she came across T-Hans on campus yesterday and according to her dad, MCA “told him how good a game he had and that she was sorry about what happened to him at the end of the game. He said he is over it now especially since we kicked their ass.” Oh, in case you weren’t sure her dad is a UNC grad as well.

All done with this now as we have to go poke fun at the Wahoos and the Hokies. Is it Thursday yet? – The Editor

OUCH, I’VE GOT BLOOD ON MY HANSBROUGH, AND IT’S COMING FROM MY NOSE!

CHAPEL HILL, NC - March 4, 2007 -Tyler Hansbrough scored 27 points and pulled down 17 rebounds before suffering an ugly injury in the closing seconds of No. 8 North Carolina's 86-72 victory over 14th-ranked Duke on Sunday. The victory clinched the top seed in the ACC tournament and disappointed desperate UVA fans across the region. The Tar Heels (25-6, 11-5) swept the regular-season series with the Blue Devils for the first time in 11 years, and gave Roy Williams his 100th victory at his alma mater.

It was a fairly routine game that saw UNC rebound and play defense with much needed intensity. It wasn’t until the last 14.5 seconds that it got interesting. Duke’s Gerald "The New Hollywood" Henderson decided to commit a hard foul on T-Hans whacking him in the nose. Hansbrough was still in the game shooting a free throw as his sub was waiting at the scorer’s table. Henderson was still in the game according to Krzydhfvbn4ski because when “their starters are still in, our starters are still in.” Pschyo T, as his teammates call him, missed the free throw, followed his shot and got his own rebound. On the put back, Henderson was clearly looking to give him a good whack, but probably not quite that good. The refs called a “combative flagrant” foul, ejected Henderson from the remainder of the game and for the opening game of the ACC Tournament. As Pat Forde said on Espn.com today “UNC got a bloody nose, and Duke got a black eye.” Hansbrough broke his nose and will have to play with the Richard Hamilton mask this weekend. Duke simply has to suffer some more embarrassment at the end of a long and bad (for them) season.

Coach Mike Krzcvhbjfls3ski blamed Christian Laettner for the incident. “Look, it’s late in a long, tiring, hard-fought game, and Gerald was so exhausted from absorbing all my leadership all season long that he thought Hansbrough was Laettner, and even our guys hate Christian.”

Duke head football coach Ted Roof called the foul “a clean hit” and then offered Henderson a spot on the football team saying he could “play both ways and special teams too if he wants.”

Virginia fans, who had the audacity to pull for Duke after failing to emerge victorious (CHOKING) against Wake on Saturday, blamed the Tar Heels eventual regular season championship and #1 seed on Dean Smith and every ref that worked every UNC v. UVA game from 1967 to 2006. Oh, and a couple of them blamed Othel Wilson and one guy blamed Terry Holland’s dog.

Hokie fans, stunned by their loss to Clemson, didn't know who to pull for or who to blame.

JMU DUKES SEEK TO JOIN ACC

According to sources close to TAH, James Madison University, home of the Dukes, has petitioned the Atlantic Coast Conference for admission into the venerable sports conference. JMU’s slogans supporting the cause are “Two Dukes Are Better Than One” and “If You Love That Duke, You’re Gonna Really Love These Dukes (And You Don’t Have To Suck Up to Us)!”

According to JMU President Dr. Linwood Rose, “Our history is completely intertwined with all the ACC schools. We were founded in 1908, which makes us 17 years older than Miami and a mere 119 years younger than UNC. We would be the second newest school in the conference, practically modern since all the others were founded in 1800s by people long since dead and now culturally insignificant.”

According to JMU President Emeritus, Dr. Ronald E. Carrier, “The similarities between Madison and the other ACC schools are quite compelling. We have 16,900 students which makes us the same size as Georgia Tech, half as big as Maryland and two and one-half times bigger than the other Duke. Oh, by the way, I never really trusted that Petty kid or Anderson, Reeves, Keyser or Chipman now that I think of it.”

According to Athletics Director Jeffrey Bourne, “Let’s be frank. We promise to be a doormat. Those other schools you brought in they’re messing with you. Look at Virginia Tech – they kick your ass in football and now they have the audacity to have a good hoop squad as well. We would never do that…Hell, we couldn’t do that. Our basketball team is currently 7-21 overall and 4-13 in conference. You want bad losses? We’ve lost to Towson, Northeastern, Drexel, UNC – Wilmington, Eastern Kentucky, Mt. St. Mary’s and perennial powerhouse Texas Pan Am. Oh, I almost forgot Sienna. They kicked our butts. We’ve got an RPI of 473.”

According to Associate Athletics Director for Sports Programs Kevin Whit, “Our stadium is small, much smaller than Wallace Wade Stadium and our basketball house is really non-descript and only seats 7,612. I think it’s 7,613, but we can argue about that later. The $130 million John Paul Jones arena could, as Dudley Moore said in that Arthur movie, kick the s&%# out of us in an arena war! We just can’t compete. Also, we don’t have any traditions or rivalries, and our kids, the “Convocation Center Lazies,” can’t/don’t/won’t come up with clever cheers at games. They just simply don’t have it in them.”

According to Assistant Athletics Director for Development Nick Langridge, ”JMU and ACC teams that have won National Championships in basketball are practically attached at the hip. When Carolina won in 1982, the Dukes beat Ohio State in the first round only to fall 52-50 to the eventual Champs -- the Tar Heels. The next year, we whipped the Mountaineers only to lose in the next round to eventual National Champion N.C. State. I mean, we are literally a good luck charm for the ACC. In 2005, when the Heels won again, we lost in the first round of CAA tourney and were at home where we belonged watching it all on television, but we pulled for the ACC.”

According to Associate Athletics Director for Development and Marketing: Geoff Polglase, “The coach of our only good NCAA basketball teams was a fellow named Lou Campanelli, and, let me tell you, Coach Lou could cuss with the best of them. Coack K -- wait at the bar! After he left here and went out to California where basketball coaches are wimps, Campanelli got in trouble for ‘verbally assaulting his players’ – another tradition at that other Duke, if you know what I mean.”

According to Associate Athletics Director for Student Athlete Services: Casey Carter, “Just like that other Duke, our school mascot is named after a man named Duke – Samuel P. Duke who was the prez from 1919 to 1949. He became president when our first top dog, I guy named Burrus, left Harrisonburg to go to some school called Virginia Polytechnic Institute and State University (VPISU?). They tell me it’s in Southwest Virginia somewhere, but I’ve never heard of it. Somebody in the Sports Information Department told me they changed their name, but I never got the memo. Rumor has it that their mascot is a turkey, which, quite frankly, is ‘effed’ up. Well at least our Duke guy didn’t make cigarettes and kill millions of people.”

According to Assistant Athletics Director for Marketing & Promotions: Brad Edmondson, “We have some very famous alums which is important in this day and age. Look at all the famous people who have graduated from JMU including G. Petty (Editor, TAH), C. Anderson (Insane Cubs/Bear Fan), M. Reeves (MENSA, 3 VP Kup Wins), B. Chipman (Real Estate Mogul, future President Reevesman Country Club, 4 VP Kup Wins), J. Keyser (Financial Mogul, Horseplayer Par Exellence) and Dr. Marcia Angell (Editor, New England Journal of Medicine) -- who can say no to a one-six punch like that? And how about Steve Buckhantz (Sports announcer Wizards, etc.), Gary Clark (Two Super Bowls), Tony Schiavone (Professional wrestling commentator), Charles Haley (Five Super Bowls), Scott Norwood (Super Bowl "wide right"), and Elliot Sadler – OK, he didn’t graduate -- but we’re talking NASCAR here…Duke, Boston College, Miami, UVA -- got any NASCAR drivers? Huh? HUH? Didn’t think so. So c’mon let us in…Pretty please. We promise we will SUCK. That New England Journal of Medicine lady? We will put a sock in her pie hole and shut her up pronto so our intellectuals like Reeves don’t show up any of your intellectuals! C’mon, let us in!”

Finally, according to JMU Head Football Coach Mickey Mathews, “We will kick Duke’s ass. We may lie down for everybody else, but Duke is going down. There is no hate like Dukes on Duke hate. No rivalry like Dukes on Duke brand new semi-rivalry. No crack-back block like a Dukes on Duke crack-back block. Hey, we won the Division 1-AA Championship in an actual playoff. To accomplish that, my mighty Dukes had to defeat Lock Haven, Villanova, Hofstra, Massachusetts, Maine, Richmond, VMI, Delaware, Towson, Lehigh, Furman, William & Mary and Montana…Hey, the Blue Hens, The Tribe! They’re powerhouses! We beat Maine for heaven’s sake. Let us in. Besides, you need at least one team in the league with purple in its uniform that’s worth half-a-crap.

Look, you let Virginia Tech in which made sense. You let Boston College in for who knows what reason. You let Criminal U. at Coconut Grove in for football, nice winter weather and just plain old good entertainment value, so why not us? Please.

PUH-LEEEEZ.

When reached for a comment on JMU’s petition to enter the league, ACC Commissioner John Swofford said, “Gusentiet.”