Wednesday, December 5, 2007


Reeling from another crappy season on the gridiron…OK, ‘reeling’ is a bit strong…Mildly disconsolate over yet another poor football season, Duke Resident Genius and Athletic Director Joe Alleva held a press conference today to announce that the “Blue Devils are putting the ‘full court press’ on Elon’s Southern Conference Freshman of the Year quarterback Scott Riddle.”

According to Alleva, the Ramseur, NC native who put up mad stats in his first year was the logical choice for the Blue Devils. So logical, that Alleva also is hinting that Riddle’s father Jimmy, an All-American at Elon a few years back, is in the mix to replace recently fired head coach Mike Roof.

“He’s incredibly talented, he was a multi-sports star in high school, and he’s from North Carolina. He led the nation in passing, whatever that is, and he’s never even held a lacrosse stick…He’s perfect,” concluded Alleva.

South Carolina head coach Steve Spurrier, who was seen on Duke's campus earlier this week, is "consulting" with Alleva on the new coach search. "I love that Riddle kid, and his old man was a ball playin' stud," said Spurrier, "This old ball coach could use both of 'em down in Columbia."

Riddle is vehemently denying the rumors. “Even though my family has long supported Duke, all my neighbors at home went to Carolina. For starters, Mary Cole, Cody and John Allen would kick my a%#!" said the talented freshman. “They're good people and I've lived right next door to them all my life, but this Carolina/Duke thing can go all Hatfield/McCoy in a heartbeat. Sorry, but no way.”

When contacted, the senior Riddle said, “Who the f*&# wants to coach Duke’s football team? Really?”

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