Friday, November 2, 2007


From the TAH STYLE PAGE – The Unreliable Source:

An alert reader has hipped TAH to an ongoing “situation.” Evidently, said source who looks with disdain at leggy coeds in cowboy boots still peruses the Style section for gossip tips…Go figure.

Yesterday in the Washington Post’s gossip section, the Reliable Source, some local barristers who will remain unnamed (P.Morrison and T.H.Thorpe 3) were mentioned in a piece about the legal battle and family squabble that is “Oasis Crest.” Evidently, the Salahi family is having a spat over who will control the well known local Oasis Vineyard. To spice up the already oakey Merlots, now they are dragging NBA star Shaquille O’Neal into the mix.

Word on the street from exclusive (and mostly sober) TAH sources is that our two fine legal friends concocted the entire scam to draw attention to their law firms which are charged with the difficult job of resolving the Salahi family feud. First they started circulating rumors to various media outlets both locally and in D.C. about the currently separated Shaq making frequent visits to the Old Dominion’s wine country with various girlfriends du jour.

Once they got the wags attention, the glimmer twins of the Warrenton legal community turned it up a notch by circulating the rumor that Shaq and the owner’s son and daughter-in-law would partner up to purchase Oasis and rename it Chateau Shaq, Shaq’s Leap, or Naked Shaq Vineyards.

Why Shaq? Easy, THT3 is affable, outgoing and a natural salesman – he’s practically a sports agent. His sense of political correctness and his ability to refrain from “telling it like it is” made him the perfect person to approach the publicity shy basketball star with a giant sense of entitlement. Known throughout the industry as Mr. Sensitive, THT3 used his favorite incentives, ice cream and you-know-what, to land the Heat center. “Works every time,” said Thorpe.

PM, who has relatives in Louisiana, Mississippi, Arkansas, Alabama and just about every other damn state in the South, had the connections through LSU to land Shaq Daddy. If you recall, PM is a stalwart of SEC sports, and the Shaqmeister attended LSU for about 69 days during one college basketball season before he jumped on Kobe Bryant's back and "rode him like a damn horse."

“For the record, we are blessed that such a fine gentlemen, and athlete is considering partnering with our clients,” added Morrison. "Blessed, truly blessed."

…and all this time everybody thought Shaq was hangin’ out at Michael Vick’s pad with Marcus in South Beach.

Not so fast.

TAH has confirmed this report (with B. Howard, R. Gulick and J. Clark) and stands by every word (for now).

No comments:

Post a Comment

Blog Archive