Wednesday, November 28, 2007

CLARK RESIGNS

TAH Special Correspondent John Clark, whose column ACC Football Game of the Week appeared occasionally in TAH (and we do mean OCCASIONALLY) resigned on Tuesday saying he was anxious to “start a new chapter in his life.”

"John's decision to resign was neither forced, nor encouraged, nor requested," TAH publisher G. Petty said in a statement released to TAH and other media outlets.

ESPN.com first reported on Monday that the longest tenured special correspondent in TAH’s long and glorious history could be on the outs even though he received a “complete vote of confidence” and a “ringing endorsement” from TAH.

Sources close to the situation told ESPN.com and TAH.com that Clark and his representative have already had discussions about the former TAH stalwart taking up new duties for several FSU mouthpieces such as NOLESRULE.com or BobbyIsGodEvenIfHeCan’tRememberS&*#.com.

Rumor has it that the Florida State Athletic Boosters are prepared to pay Clark up to $2 million a year not to write for any publication. “John is good,” said Billy Bob Thompson-Johnson, the “Big Red Assed Chief” of the organization, “but, he’s not that good.”

Clark said he was hopeful that his departure would unify TAH Nation, which had been damaged by turmoil surrounding yet another tumultuous football season.

"Deep, deep down in my heart as a Seminole, as a person who loves ACC football, and occasionally even ACC basketball, so much, I wanted TAH Nation to come together as one," Clark said, "At this time, I don't think we could have one heartbeat."

Houston Nutt, who recently “resigned” his post at Arkansas and was immediately hired by Ole Miss said, “Hey, I love this Clark guy, but that one heartbeat b.s. was my line!”

"It's sad that it had to end like this," TAH star special guest correspondent T.Blaser said. "I like writing with him. He’s great, he just got a little lazy there near the end. Lost his focus. I don’t know why.”

Clark's agent, THT3, and the TAH.com executives spent Monday afternoon negotiating how much Clark will receive of the $0 million in annuities due to him in 2008 and 2009. As Billy Preston once said, “Nothin’ from nothin’ leaves nothin’.”

TAH.com execs said Clark's contract gave the correspondent a set of "golden handcuffs" under which Clark would have to pay TAH.com and TAH Foundation if he takes another job while also forfeiting absolutely no money he wasn’t being paid. TAH.com publisher G. Petty, in an uncharacteristic show of charity, said he would ask the TAH Foundation to free Clark of those obligations.

Clark was hired in October of 2005 to replace no one. He has never won a Pulitzer Prize or any other awards for his work.

“He’s a great guy, we love him like a brother, but he probably won’t be missed (unless we run out of smokes),” the TAH.com news release concluded.

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