Tuesday, August 14, 2007


The Duke Blue Devils made a long overdue first step toward becoming a legitimate Division I football school when it suspended indefinitely leading tackler Michael Tauiliili following his arrest for a variety of charges ranging from driving while impaired to pointing a gun.

Tauiliili, who prior to the 2006 season changed last name from Brown to Tauiliili to honor his Samoan heritage, is the Blue Devils starting outside linebacker and best defensive player.

The move is seen by ACC pundits and experts as the first step to emulating what has become a common occurrence at other ACC football stalwarts the likes of Miami, Florida State, Maryland, Virginia Tech and Clemson.

“I thought we would never have a player who would get arrested,” said Duke head coach Ted Roof, “This is a giant step forward for us, not only did one of our guys get arrested but he beat all the other bad boys at the big ACC football schools to the punch. I’m very proud of him.”

Sources close to Brown-Tauiliili said the erratic behavior stemmed from a disagreement at a Durham Little League Potluck Supper and Tequila Drinking Contst where Tauiliili had taken a group of elderly patients from the Trinity Old Folks Home as part of the Love Me, Love You, Love Duke, Coach K Makes Us Do This Crap and Our Football Coach Is Scared of Him Neighborhood Outreach Program. Evidently, one of the old geezers who had served in Somoa during WWII claimed Tauliliili was spelled with five “i’s,” not four.

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