Thursday, June 7, 2007

TANK IS HUNGRIER THAN YOU, AND WE CAN PROVE IT

According to records obtained by the Chicago Sun-Times, oft arrested Chicago Bear Tank “Lawyers, Guns and Money” Johnson spent almost $700 buying assorted junk food during the 60 days he spent in the Cook County Jail.

While locked up in the slammer, Johnson supplemented his jail diet with snacks including 162 beef sticks, 40 honey bun sweet rolls and 35 summer sausages. Here’s the entire list:
Beef sticks 162, Honey buns 40, Summer sausage 35, Chips 35, Coffee 22, Fruit punch 10, Tuna fish 10, Jalapeno cheese spread 9, Tortillas 9, Refried beans 6, Cookies 6, Reese's cups 5, Lemonade 5, Swiss rolls 4, Dill pickles 3, Sugar 3, Cream 3, Oatmeal sandwiches 3, Bag of Jolly Ranchers 2, Butterfingers 2, Peanut butter bars 2 and Cupcakes 1.

Who eats 40 Honey Buns and only 1 Cupcake? And what exactly is an Oatmeal Sandwich?

"I think he was grasping at straws," said Lisa Dorfman, a Miami-based sports nutritionist who is a spokeswoman for the American Dietetic Association and who spent nine years working in the federal prison system. "He was probably bored, hungry and trying to get whatever he could."

Johnson's attorney (who looks a lot like Kaptain Kangaroo) and a Bears spokesman declined comment on his dietary habits while incarcerated.

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