Thursday, May 31, 2007

NEWS FLASH: BARRY BONDS IS A TOOL

What do you mean you already knew that? Well, crap…we thought it was breaking news.

According the Associated Press, as Barry Bonds nears his record 756th home run, he's stockpiling quite a collection of souvenirs -- bats, balls, helmets and spikes, pieces of baseball history – stuff that might end up in the Hall of Fame, or in Bonds’ case on E-bay….

Interesting, no? According the USA Today in his storied career, Bonds has bee paid $167.5 million. Guess those “supplements” are expensive.

"I'm not worried about the Hall," the San Francisco slugger said during a recent homer drought. "I take care of me."

Around 35,000 artifacts are shown and stored at the shrine, and about a dozen pertain to Bonds. There is a bat from his rookie year and cleats from him becoming the first player in the 400-homer/400-steal club. The most prized items, the ones that fans would really want to see, are missing. Nothing directly from Bonds to highlight his 500th home run. Ditto for homers 714 and 715, when he tied and passed Babe Ruth. Same for anything tied to him topping Mark McGwire's single-season total of 70.

Bonds has been generous with teammates and opponents. He recently signed a guitar that Giants pitcher Barry Zito gave to charity and autographed a bat for Houston's Craig Biggio. He's also given some of his own things to charity.

Whether that memorabilia shows up on his personal Web site or in Cooperstown remains to be seen. He opted out of Major League Baseball's licensing agreement before the 2004 season, and some of his gear is auctioned off on MLB's Web site -- on Monday, bidding topped $10,000 for a Bonds-signed Giants jersey.

The Hall is independent of MLB and the word "steroid" does not appear inside the shrine.

Duke head coach Mike Krsjcbnvngjdfjkg9ski was said to be furious over this news. “Why doesn’t the media leave Barry Bonds alone?” said Krakdjfhvnbm3ski. “He’s a natural leader, a nice man, a family man and I’d welcome him here at Duke as a role model to our student athletes.”

At that point some Krsxcbvhgnb9ski stoolie came up and whispered something in the coach’s ear.

“Ohhhh, Barry Bonds,” said a surprised Krzchfhbhfrt6ski, “I thought you were talking about Harry Bonds who is the president of the District 12 United Steelworkers Union in Albuquerque, New Mexico…Now, Barry Bonds, he’s a butt-head, and I should know!”

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