ACC Football Gets Underway Tonight

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Presbyterian (Blue Hose, 1,300 students, Clinton, SC) @ WAKE FOREST (-44.5), Winston-Salem, N.C., 6:30 PM, TV: ESPN3.com

Florida A&M (Rattlers, 13,089, Tallahassee, FL) @ MIAMI (-40), Miami Gardens, Fla., 7:30 PM, TV: ESPN3.com

(Editor's Note: As always, the betting line is for recreational purposes only. Any resemblence to a real point spread set by an actual bookmaker we won't mention here (Americasline.com) is purely coincidental.)

Crazy Hair And Ill-Fitting Jersey Get Austin Suspended?

Butch Davis isn’t saying exactly why Marvin Austin (#9) is indefinitely suspended, but he did say it has nothing to do with the ongoing NCAA investigation. Now is that like when a coach says he’s absolutely not leaving Fill-In-The-Blank University and then says two days later he’s the new coach at Fill-In-The-Blank State…?

So…Is it the hair, the tight jersey, the loud music, the improperly tined windows? What, what, what?

According to ACC Now, the Tar Heel tackle, who has been interviewed as part of the NCAA's investigation into possible improper benefits provided to players by sports agents, was suspended indefinitely Wednesday for violating team rules and neglecting his responsibilities to the team.

That means the flamboyant star senior who hasn’t cut his hair in four years will not travel to Atlanta for UNC's season opener against No. 21 LSU in the Chick-fil-A Kickoff on Saturday. And sometime before the 18th-ranked Tar Heels board the team the bus at 9:30 a.m. Friday, the school plans to announce who else won't be making the trip, athletic director Dick Baddour said.

The Tar Heels are mired in two investigations: the one by the NCAA, which began in early July, and the school's own probe, announced last Thursday, into whether a former tutor who was employed by both the school and Tar Heels football coach Butch Davis committed academic misconduct while working with football players.

Davis said in a prepared statement Wednesday that "this decision is not a result of the ongoing NCAA review." Baddour reiterated that sentiment, saying that no one should assume the suspension had anything to do with breaking NCAA or academic rules.

Basketball coach Roy Williams has since announced that none of this players are involved in any way with the tutor or tutoring in question.

To read more, click here.

XTC: We're Only Making Plans For "Nyger"*

You know how when you were a kid how you would throw your baseball glove at the ball that was hit over your head. Well, the Nationals Nyger Morgan still does that and he’s thirty-years-old and a major leaguer. For now.

This week, Nyger has been busy blowing a close game by bowling over the catcher when sliding would have scored the winning run. Last night he found himself in the middle of a huge donnybrook and ultimately a brawl during the sixth inning of a game against the Marlins.

Morgan, whose behavior this week will get him into baseball’s Goof Ball Hall of Fame, charged the mound after a pitch from Florida's Chris Volstad sailed behind him.

Morgan and two other Nationals got tossed while losing by something like 1,452 to 10.

Were only making plans for “Nyger”

We only want what’s best for him

We’re only making plans for “Nyger”

"Nyger" just needs that helping hand

Yeah and if young “Nyger” says he’s happy

He must be happy, happy in his work...

So happy, he’s imitating former Nat Elija Dukes, hardly the picture of stability. If Morgan keeps it up, he could end up just like Dukes – out of MLB.

To hear XTC's Making Plans For Nigel, click here.

*It’s one of those jokes that you will either get or you won’t depending on what you know about XTC, seventies music from the UK, stage fright and Valium.
 
(Photo by Canadian Press and Dilip Vishwanat/Getty Images North America)

Pictures Of The Day

BIG BALLS IN SID TOWN. Tourism New Zealand's Giant Rugby Ball is seen in it's new location at Circular Quay to promote the Rugby World Cup 2011 and New Zealand as a tourism destination, at the Overseas Passenger Terminal on September 1, 2010 in Sydney, Australia. The Ball, which is held up by air and down by water and can fit 200 people inside. (Photo by Cameron Spencer/Getty Images AsiaPac)

MORE BAD UNIS. Croatian team prepares to play against Italy in the Mladost venue swimming pool of Zagreb on September 2, 2010 during their group match of the water polo European championships. (Photo by AFP/Attila Kisbenedek)

PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT. Seventh seed Vera Zvonareva from Russia practices singing XTC's obscure hit song Making Plans For Nigel using the traditional “air microphone” prior to her match against Sabine Lisicki from Germany during the US Open. (Photo by AFP/Timothy A. Clary)

 

NOT TO BE OUTDONE. Yanina Wickmayer of Belguim also practices singing XTC's obscure hit song Making Plans For Nigel using the traditional “air microphone” prior to her match against Julia Goerges of Germany during 2010 U.S. Open. (Photo by Chris McGrath/Getty Images)

UNDERSTATEMENT OF THE DAY. International basketball is different. Very different. Here, a Lithuanian cheerleader dances with a basketball during the preliminary round match between Argentina and Serbia at the FIBA World Basketball Championships in Kayseri, Turkey on September 2, 2010. (Photo by Behrouz Mehri/AFP/Getty Images)

Will London's Old Spiders Bite London's New Wahoos?

Last year a tough Virginia season started off badly with a loss to DIAA William & Mary. A brainiac school for the most part…

This year, the Cavs have as tough a subdivision local foe in Richmond. To liven up the party, er..uh…we mean game, Virginia’s new coach Mike London came to Charlottesville from Richmond where he led the Spiders deep into the playoffs (Playoffs? What are those?) for the two years he was at the helm. In 2008, Londons’ team overcame a 4-3 start to win the Football Subdivision National Championship. Last year, London’s Spiders knocked off Duke and lost in the quarterfinals of the DIAA playoffs.

(Playoff? What are PLAYOFFS?)

The last time the two teams met in 2008, the Wahoos won in C’ville 16-0.

According to at least one writer at Bleacher Report, the two times match up closely on paper. Makes sense as the two teams were organized by the same guy…

To read more, click here.

UNC Star Stops Tweeting, Internet Temporarily Collapses

A day after UNC revealed revised policies for social networking in its Student Athlete Handbook, it appears as if one of its most prolific tweeters might be leaving Twitter and his 7,100 followers.

Sophomore hoopster John Henson wrote on his account at about 5 p.m. Tuesday: “bye bye twitter. im off this after pickup today. At least until I leave unc. love yall.”

Henson, a projected starter last season, has had trouble editing himself on the social network before. After UNC was upset by College of Charleston last season, Henson tweeted that the Tar Heels had just made a guy's college career; the post was later erased.

Earlier this summer, he, as well as teammates Dexter Strickland and Larry Drew II, posted variations of the same message on their individual Twitter accounts: "well coach just talked to us about twitter and told us we offend some people n what not so this is a farewell to bein' myself..lata tweeps."

UNC has updated its 2010-11 Student Athlete Handbook to stipulate that “each team must identify at least one coach or administrator who is responsible for having access to and regularly monitor the content of team members’ social networking sites and postings.”

To read more, click here.

Hokies: Once You Go Black (Again), You Never…?

For the first time in more than 100 years, the Virginia Tech Hokies will wear black when they suit up in the Nike Pro Combat System of Dress for Monday night’s game against Boise State at FedExField.

The uniform colors mark a departure from the school’s distinctive maroon and orange combination, but it is not without precedent. The black uniforms reference the cadet gray-and-black colors worn by Virginia Tech’s original football team. The uniform color scheme draws inspiration from the school’s large Corps of Cadets – integral to Virginia Tech’s unique football culture – and is being worn in their honor.

In creating the Virginia Tech Nike Pro Combat System of Dress, Nike designers focused on the cadets and also another point of pride for students: the school’s commitment to scientific inquiry. These influences are evident throughout the uniform.

“Ut Prosim” (That I May Serve), the motto of the school and of the cadets, appears inside the back yoke of the jersey, on the back of the helmet and on the inside cuff of the gloves. The school’s trademark VT logo forms when the palms of the gloves face outward.

Jersey numbering, outlined in gray, is rendered in burnt orange with a Chicago maroon fade-in to form an all-over technology-inspired pattern – a nod to Virginia Tech’s engineering identity. The circuit-board pattern is reprised in a shoulder graphic and in bands running down the sides of the pants. The wide stripe also bisects the matte black helmet. Corresponding footwear in orange and black carries the same print to complete the uniform.

To see more photos including these INCREDIBLY UGLY orange shoes, click here.

Hokie Hot Dog

Evidently, former Virginia Tech Hokie Deangelo Hall really wanted a hot dog after he hung up his shoulder pads the other night during a preseason game v. the New York Jets.

Rumor has it, he asked a fan to fetch him a dog…

Supposedly, it went like this:

Hall: "Yo get me a hot dog"

Fan: "What do I get for a hot dog"
Hall: "Whatchu want?"
Fan: "A helmet"
Hall: "A hat"
Fan: "Deal"

He supposedly sweetened the pot by autographing it and having Clinton Portis sign it too.

Ugly Uni Alert

These red and white gems are being worn by the Russian National team in the FIBA World Basketball Championships.

Pictures Of The Day

SPEAKING OF UGLY. Marc Gicquel of France returns a shot against Thiemo de Bakker of the Netherlands during the Men's Singles first round match on day one of the 2010 U.S. Open at the USTA Billie Jean King National Tennis Center on August 30, 2010 in the Flushing neighborhood of the Queens borough of New York City. De Bakker defeated Gicquel 6-4, 7-5, 6-2. (Photo by Nick Laham/Getty Images)

NEW RECRUITS? Facing NCAA sanctions which may deplete his defensive roster for the Tar Heels’ opener against LSU, head coach Butch Davis looks to be recruiting some new young talent. (Photo by Robert Willet/Raleigh News & Observer)
HIP HOP JOCKS. Jockeys compete in the Jockey's Space hopper race on the Derby Course on August 30, 2010 in Epsom, England. (Photo by Phil Cole/Getty Images Europe)

Toly Hansbrough Learns To Put His Napkin In His Lap (The Hard Way)

(Editor’s Note: The life and times of fictitious multi-sports star Toly Hansbrough, who is currently competing for basketball, baseball and football scholarships from the Univeristy of North Carolina, are infrequently published here at T.A.H. Any resemblance to any person [real or imagined, and in particular the Editor/Publisher’s son who coincidentally has the same first name] is purely coincidental. These particular events, however, happened exactly as depticted below.)

We know some basic truths about parenting and our children’s behavior.

The first is that our kids are creatures of habit who find and, ultimately, maintain order in their universe via a reasonably consistent routine. Define “reasonably consistent” as you will.

We know our kids get completely out of whack the first week of school, the last week of school, etc. – anytime the normal routine is imploded.

The second basic truth we ascribe to is that, for the most part, all of our “bad parenting” is a direct result of the epic failure of all of our “good parenting.” This is a tale of just such a digression.

This is the first week of school with the added stress of early mornings, new bus stops, new classes, new teachers, new students, homework and cranky parents who are also struggling to adjust to the new more complicated routine. Add to that that systemic shock of the complete abandonment of an unstructured summer vacation with a lack-of-routine save for almost daily trips to the pool now replaced with the likes of arithmetic and a grumpy (who can blame her?) bus driver…

On top of all this, Toly Hansbrough (multi-sport superstar) is further burdened by football practice for two hours, three nights a week. Taxing at best. Needless to say he’s also concerned about recent events down in Chapel Hill involving the NCAA and the “I” word. (Investigation.)

Which brings us to the napkin.

For the past five years of his life, Toly (now 8) has been instructed to put his napkin in his lap at meal time. As there are 365 days in a year and three meals per day, we are comfortable surmising that his request has been made as many as 5,475 times by a parent or some other supervisory agent -- grandparent, babysitter, teacher, relative, friend or random adult saddled with feeding my children.

Guess what? The napkin still can’t find its way to Toly’s lap without this oft repeated request! Shocking, we know.

Now, we all have limited parenting skills, but, Toly’s Dad’s core strength is seemingly unlimited patience. Key word being “seemingly.”

Well in the midst of this stressful week, Dad’s “Stay-Cool-Omoter” was sneaking out of the green and moving dangerously close to the red. The favorite young son had a particularly bad day with his inability to accurately depict facts and his further inability to effectively listen to his parents and other figures of authority thus rendering him incapable of properly executing the instructions these incredibly wise, wonderful and caring people were bestowing upon him.

Fast forward to supper. Yes, Dad (somehow remaining calm) instructed the T-Man to put his napkin in his lap yet again.

And that’s when it got interesting.

Toly stared into his glass of milk and determined that it included a foreign object. He removed said object with his finger which he then wiped on his shirt (Fauquier Basketball Camp tee shirt, for the record) – not his napkin. (No, that was not a misprint – he wiped it on his shirt.)

Dad watched amazed and horrified. Or horrified and amazed, we’re not sure which.

Then, the Tolinator noticed a second foreign object which he subsequently removed with the same finger. Needing to remove the object from the finger yet again, he WIPED IT ON HIS SHIRT – AGAIN!

At this point, he did glance up at his father and the look he saw must have been something between “that was inappropriate” and “you should run like hell NOW!” because his face clearly registered that an error had been made and detected which would, no doubt, lead to some unpleasant consequence(s).

Here’s where the “bad parenting” comes in.

Instead of calmly explaining yet again about the use of the napkin (good parenting), dear old Dad chose an alternative tactic. He did not raise his voice. In fact, he did not say a single word. He simply reached across the counter and WIPED his dirty knife on Toly’s SHIRT (bad parenting).

Criscross-applesauce -- made a nice “X” of mashed potatoes and grilled chicken right there on the chest of Number 1 son’s tee-shirt. Hey, what’s good for the gosling is good for the gander.

Not satisfied the point was adequately made, Dad then reached across the counter and WIPED his dirty fork on Toly's  SHIRT in the same fashion.

The children were then wide-eyed and speechless with mouths agape. “Wonder what “Crazy Dad” is gonna do next?” they were surely asking themselves.

Dad’s got their attention, why stop now? So he picks up his plate and says “How about I wipe this on your shirt too?” (Add as much sarcasm as you deem appropriate and necessary.)

Suffice to say the look on both children’s faces was priceless in that “Oh My God Dad Has Finally Completely Lost It” sort of way…

The bad parenting moment passed and the frustration of asking them to do simple things over and over again was explained (again). Some headway was made when the children were asked to describe how frustrated they get when they ask each other to do something over and over with no results. This seemed to make the point in a 8- and 11-year-old sort of relatable way. (A temporary victory no doubt, but some salve for the wound.)

The next morning all was well again.

Toly Hansbrough came down to breakfast, looked his Dad right square in the eye, and calmly placed his napkin in his lap.

His Dad winked at him.

He giggled.

Mission accomplished?

Time will tell…

Did Tiger Tank On Purpose?

Poor Tiger Woods, ever since last November when his secret life of cocktail waitresses and porn stars led to his ultimate divorce this week from wife of almost six years Elin Nordegren, he’s played like crap.

When Tiger returned to the tour after what had to be the crappiest holiday season in history of golfers, hookers, agents and sponsors, his game was absolutely awful. To make matters worse, a couple of his lucrative endorsement paychecks dumped him, and it started to look like he might have to ride along in John Daley’s bus if he was going to live off his greatly reduced tournament earnings.

Not to be cynical, but was Tiger’s poor performance part of the negotiating process which led ultimately to an undisclosed settlement with his now ex-wife? Can’t you just hear the lawyers for the world’s greatest golfer saying, “We can’t possibly give you $(fill in the blank) million, look how BAAADDD he’s playing!!!”

A coincidence perhaps, but the Woods’ divorce was settled and made public early this week and, lo and behold, Tiger puts up a 65, tied for the lead, in his first “post-divorce settlement” tourney.

Nice, Tiger, NICE!

Did Tiger Woods Secretly Invest In Racehorses?

More Pictures Of The Day

IS THAT TOMMY JOHN? No, it’s Stephen Strasburg who’s having the surgery on his elbow of the same name. (Photo by Greg Fiume/Getty Images)
IS THAT A KEEBLER COOKIE ELF? No, it’s 17-year-old phenom Bryce Harper of the Washington Nationals taking batting practice at Nationals Park on August 26, 2010 in Washington, DC. (Photo by Greg Fiume/Getty Images North America)

Staying One Step Ahead Of The Suits In Kansas (For Now), UNC Investigates Self

The investigation of the University of North Carolina's football program has expanded into possible academic misconduct involving players and a woman who worked as a tutor for coach Butch Davis' son, school officials said Thursday night.

Athletic director Dick Baddour (right, that’s UNC Chancellor Holden Thorp in the middle and Davis on the left) declined to identify the players or say how many may be involved, and he refused to specify what the possible violations may have been, saying only that they involved a student tutor and student-athletes on the football team.

"We are looking into improprieties that existed outside the classroom," Baddour said. "That's about as close to that as I can get."

The announcement came nine days before the No. 18 Tar Heels' opener against No. 21 LSU in Atlanta, and roughly two months after the NCAA began an investigation into whether two key players - defensive tackle Marvin Austin and receiver Greg Little - received improper benefits from agents. Defensive line coach John Blake's longtime friendship with California-based agent Gary Wichard also has drawn the NCAA's interest.

Joint interviews conducted by NCAA and school investigators during that probe led them to a player who "raised an issue that we felt like deserved further consideration on our part."

"It led us down a road that brought us to what we're talking about," Baddour said.

To read more, click here.

(Photo by Ethan Hyman/Raleigh News & Observer)

Picture of the Day

BEMUSED? UNC head football coach Butch Davis listens during a press conference with Chancellor Holden Thorp and Athletics Director Dick Baddour.  (Photo by Ethan Hyman/Raleigh News & Observer)

ACC Has 5 In AP Football Poll

The ACC has five teams in the preseason AP Top 25 with Virginia Tech leading the way at No. 10.

Alabama, the 2009 national champs, open the season at No. 1 and received 54 first-place votes (out of 60). The SEC has six ranked teams, including No. 21 LSU, UNC's opponent in the Chick-fil-A Kickoff.

Miami (13), Georgia Tech (16) and Florida State (20) are the other ranked ACC teams.

AP Top 25

1. Alabama (54)

2. Ohio State (3)

3. Boise State (1)

4. Florida

5. Texas (1)

6. TCU

7. Oklahoma (1)

8. Nebraska

9. Iowa

10. Virginia Tech

11. Oregon

12. Wisconsin

13. Miami

14. USC

15. Pitt

16. Georgia Tech

17. Arkansas

18. UNC

19. Penn State

20. Florida State

21. LSU

22. Auburn

23. Georgia

24. Oregon State

25. West Virginia

Also receiving votes: Cincinnati 108, Stanford 81, Utah 80, South Carolina 71, Houston 66, UConn 32, Notre Dame 31, Missouri 27, BYU 19, Clemson 15, Arizona 15, Texas Tech 14, Navy 12, Washington 8, Texas A&M 7, Ole Miss 6, Oklahoma State 3, Central Michigan 2, Temple 2, Middle Tennessee State 2, Central Florida 1, Boston College 1, SMU 1.

Quote of the Day

“I never thought (Wetherell) would ever do to me what he did. I’m disappointed, but it’s not like I’m going to cut my wrists.”

-- former Florida State head coach and college football Icon Bobby Bowden.

Bowden recently sat down with Matt Hayes of the Sporting News and the story that emerged isn’t pretty…

Shocking, we know.

Among other things Bowden said:

-- Bowden was fired—he didn’t resign or retire—after FSU’s loss to Florida in the regular-season finale.

-- Bowden says former FSU president T.K. Wetherell, who played for Bowden when he was a Florida State assistant in the 1960s and repeatedly proclaimed Bowden had a “lifetime contract,” reneged on an agreement to allow Bowden to coach through the end of the 2010 season. Instead, he wanted Bowden to be an “ambassador coach” with no responsibilities this season.

-- Bowden said once FSU gave new coach Jimbo Fisher a $5 million buyout in 2007 if he wasn’t the head coach at FSU by January 2011, he started to be “phased out” by the school.

-- The coach-in-waiting philosophy FSU used with Fisher doesn’t work.

To read more, click here.

Things That Make You Go…

Hmmm…

How about a naked, 6’2’, 290 lb drunk guy in your house?

Oh yeah...that you dont' know!

An Oregon State University offensive lineman has been dismissed from the team after police say they found him naked and intoxicated in a stranger’s home and had to use stun guns to take him into custody.

Responding officers ordered 19-year-old Tyler Patrick Thomas of Kalispell, Mont., to get on the ground, Lt. Tim Brewer said.

Thomas refused and instead dropped into a three-point stance like the football player that he was and lunged at the officers, Brewer said. At that point, he said, two officers fired their stun guns.

Brewer said Thomas “absolutely was intoxicated” at the time.

Thomas was arrested on suspicion of criminal trespass, criminal mischief and resisting arrest. He was booked into the Benton County jail and later released.

Oregon State head coach Mike Riley dismissed Thomas from the team Monday, OSU athletics spokesman Steve Fenk said. Thomas redshirted during the Beavers’ 2009 season.

Nice, Tyler, NICE!

To read more, click here.

Pictures of the Day

NUMBER OF PLAYS. Brett Favre #4 of the Minnesota Vikings, who we know loves money and football, but hates practice, training camp and preseason, signals how many plays he’s willing to participate in while he warms up against the San Francisco 49er during an NFL pre-season game at Candlestick Park on August 22, 2010 in San Francisco, California. (Photo by Jed Jacobsohn/Getty Images North America)SEEING DOUBLE. Competitors in the Girls Byte CII one person dinghy class start race two on day nine of the Singapore 2010 Youth Olympics at the National Sailing Centre on August 23, 2010 in Singapore. (Photo by Mark Dadswell/Getty Images AsiaPac)

AIR PEROGATIVE. Bobby Brown of USA competes in the Men's Freestyle Slopestyle Final during the 2010 Junior World Snowboard Championships at Snow Park on August 23, 2010 in Wanaka, New Zealand. (Photo by Hannah Johnston/Getty Images AsiaPac)
PRO WAHOO. Danny Glading #9 of the Chesapeake Bayhwaks, by way of the University of Virginia, controls the ball during the Major League Lacrosse Finals against the Long Island Lizards on August 22, 2010 at Navy-Marine Corps Stadium in Annapolis, Maryland. Bayhawks won 13-9. (Photo by Mitchell Layton/Getty Images North America)

Wilder Commits(?) To Florida State

James Wilder Jr. just committed to attending Florida State University next Fall. 

Wilder, a rising high school senior, is considered to be the best running back in the country.

That said, Seminole Nation is holding its collective breath.

Seems as young Master Wilder of Tampa is having a bit of difficulty making up his mind and sticking to his decision. 

According to Yahoo, Wilder was going to commit to play for the Georgia Bulldogs or Florida Gators. In fact, early in the week it was reported that the Gators had been stiffed and Wilders trip to Athens booked.

Florida State fans have to be extremely excited that they were not only able to get a blue-chip prospect, but at the same time seem to have stolen away a recruit from their hated rivals in Gainesville.

What it will unfortunately do for Wilder, though, is put an even bigger spotlight on him, and presumably a target when he takes the field against Florida. The Florida State vs. Florida game in 2011 just became a whole lot more interesting.

Stand by to stand by...

Dean Smith: A Life Well Lived Is Getting Harder To Remember

A July article in the The Fayetteville (N.C.) Observer has the ACC abuzz over Dean Smith’s mental condition.

According to a recent article in U.S.A. Today, “Dean Smith still plays golf, still pops into his campus office and still savors watching the North Carolina program he led for more than three decades take the court under Roy Williams' direction.”

Unfortunately, his family now says the Hall of Fame coach is also losing some of his memory of past events.

Smith's family sent a letter to former players and coaches discussing the 79-year-old's health after generally declining to comment for privacy reasons. Smith's condition was described as a "progressive neurocognitive disorder that affects his memory."

"He may not immediately recall the name of every former player from his many years of coaching, but that does not diminish what those players meant to him or how much he cares about them," the letter said.

"He still remembers the words of a hymn or a jazz standard, but may not feel up to going to a concert. He still plays golf, though usually only for nine holes instead of 18."

The situation was brought to our attention a little over a month ago when John Feinstein commented on his blog about Smith’s condition saying he was planning on writing a book with the former Tar Heel coach. While he was unwilling to break the story, Feinstein commented after the Fayetteville newspaper article made the story public. The book is unfortunately on hold.

Bryant Gumbel also commented on the story this week during his HBO show Real Sports, saying:

“Just as fishermen are inclined to rue the one that got away, I'm regretting having waited too long to do a story about a Hall of Fame basketball coach who somehow managed to take on important matters in the real world as successfully as he impacted the game he coached. This coach who I wanted to profile won 879 games and two national titles while leading his team to the Final Four 11 times. But the real story I wanted to tell was how he was a bigger man off the court, a man who fought segregation, worked to ban the death penalty, promoted a nuclear feeze, spoke out against the U.S. involvement in Iraq and in support of gay rights.

Unfortunately it's a story I won't get to do. I won't because just last month, the family of Dean Smith released a letter stating that the 79-year-old former UNC coach has a progressively neurocognitive disorder. It's not Alzheimer's. But it's enough to make it impossible for Smith to accurately discuss the exemplary life he's led as a sports legend with a proper sense of priorities.

Unlike some of his peers, Dean Smith never embarrassed his family like Rick Pitino or his program like John Calipari or himself and his school like Bob Knight. Instead he showed as much self-discipline as he asked of his players. And in the process, he gave them an example on which to model their lives. Too often we all wait until good people die to give them the praise that they’re due. Dean Smith's not dead. Not by a long shot. But having waited too long to do his story justice, this abbreviated version is the best I can do."

News Flash: Brett Favre Loves Football, Hates Training Camp and Pre-Season

When will the mainstream media learn? According to several sources who turn out to be actual Minnesota Vikings, the players never doubted that their quarterback was coming back for another season in spite of mainstream media reports to the contrary. (Stop listening to what Favre says already…jeez!)

To truth of the matter his simple.

Favre hates training camp. He hates the preseason, he hates practice and he hates getting hurt. As a result, he tries to minimize the time spent on the former thus minimizing the likelihood of the latter.

Why is that so hard to figure out?

(Photo by Adam Bettcher/Getty Images North America)

Adios: Rasheed Wallace

Affectionately know as “Rashweed” Wallace, former North Carolina Tar Heel Rasheed Wallace has retired.

A four time All-Star forward, Wallace decided to end his 15-year NBA career after his Celtics bowed out in Game 7 of the NBA Finals. Wallace played for five teams in his career, but most successful was his tenure with the Detroit Pistons.

After being traded from the Atlanta Hawks mid-season in 2004, Wallace helped the Pistons win their first championship since 1990 in a five-game upset of the Lakers.

Wallace averaged 13 points and nearly eight rebounds per game in that series. He will perhaps be remembered most for his always-publicized confrontations with officials, retiring as the NBA's all-time leader in technical fouls.

Adios: Bobby Thompson

We learned about the heros of America’s past time by reading books. Hard to imagine now isn’t it? One of the great stories is about Bobby Thompson’s pennant winning home run which spawned this famous moment in the sport:

“The Giants win the pennant! The Giants win the pennant!”

Thomson, the man immortalized with the “Shot Heard ‘Round the World” in 1951, died Monday night at his home in Savannah, Ga. He was 86 and had been in failing health for several years.

Funny Horse Race Call

According to the Daily Racing Form, Turf Paradise announcer Frank Mirahmadi, who doubles as comedian and impressionist, delivered a race-call masterpiece Sunday in the $50,000 Hasta La Vista Handicap. He used nearly two dozen voice impressions during the 1 7/8-mile turf marathon: Marv Albert, Tony Calo, Mark Johnson, Richard Grunder, Michael Wrona, Larry Collmus, Keith Jones, Dick Stockton, Jack Buck, Hank Stram, Phil Georgeff, Dave Johnson, Robert DeNiro, Marlon Brando, Andy Rooney, D. Wayne Lukas, Mike Battaglia, Vic Stauffer, Rodney Dangerfield, Trevor Denman, and Ed Burgart.

The Johnson, DeNiro, Brando section is particularly good…

Pictures of the Day

I SAID JUMP, DAMN IT!!! Perhaps frightened by this crazed woman (note what we assume is urine flying from the airborn amphibean), a frog takes flight in this year's Valley City (Ohio) Frog Jump Festival on Aug. 15. (Photo by Bill Frakes/Sports Illustrated)

LIKE A FROG. Like the frog above, this unidentified Tampa Bay Ray takes flight to avoid being hit by a pitch against the Baltimore Orioles.  (Photo by G Fiume/Getty Images)

FACE PLANT. Cliff Pennington #2 of the Oakland Athletics safely slides past J.P. Arencibia #9 of the Toronto Blue Jays to give the Athletics a 3-0 lead over the Blue Jays in the third inning at the Oakland-Alameda County Coliseum on August 18, 2010 in Oakland, California. (Photo by Ezra Shaw/Getty Images North America)

I BELIEVE I CAN FLY!  Niklas Laustsen of Denmark leads the field in his quarter final of the Junior Men's BMX on day five of the Singapore 2010 Youth Olympics at Tampines Bike Park on August 19, 2010 in Singapore. (Photo by Mark Dadswell/Getty Images)

CUTE GIRLS, UGLY HAT. Winner of the San Sebastian Classic cycling race, Spain's Luis Leon Sanchez (C) poses on the podium, in San Sebastian, on July 31, 2010. (Photo by Rafa Rivas/AFP/Getty Images)

DON’T GET MAD, GET EVEN. French Matador Sebastian Castella is gored by a Jandilla fighting bull during a bullfight of the San Fermin festival in Pamplona, Spain. (Getty Images)

Dear Mr. Snyder:

Dear Mr. Snyder:

Whatever it is you’re not doing, please continue not doing it.

And, whatever you do, please leave these two men alone.

Sincerely,
Your Biggest Fan – no, I guess that would be Albert “Krispy Kreme” Haynesworth, but you get the point.